Do you ever glance askew at your fellow tired, stony-faced commuters on the train to work and wonder what you have in common?

Probably not, but thanks to wacky stats from YouGov's profiles, we can tell you anyway.

Southern Trains

If you’re a Southern customer, then according to YouGov you’re most likely an 18 to 24-year-old man, politically left-leaning, and employed in the civil service, or the admittedly similar career path of fashion design.

You’re also a fan of musical artists Chaka Khan and Macklemore and favour retro TV choices such as Citizen Smith, M*A*S*H and … First Dates?

Canadian actresses are among your favourite celebrities, with Neve Campbell and Ellen Page topping the list.

South West Trains

Customers of South West Trains are also 18 to 24-year-old men but are more centre-left politically and allegedly have £1,000 cash spare each month – true Champagne socialists.

They enjoy light-hearted animated films such as Ratatouille, The Lego Movie, and The Incredibles.

Musically their favourite artists are The Prodigy, Fleur East and Snow Patrol.

Comedians and journalists top their favourite celebrities, with Ian Hislop and David Mitchell sharing the pedestal with Nick Robinson and Jeremy Paxman.

Southeastern Trains

Customers of Southeastern Trains are men aged 18 to 24, politically left-wing, and work in advertising, marketing or publishing.

They also like a bit of M*A*S*H and Citizen Smith, but watch gritty Netflix show Making a Murderer on the side.

Their favourite films are thrillers such as The Godfather, Pulp Fiction, and Tarantino Western film The Hateful Eight.

According to YouGov, you’d catch them listening to British punks The Clash and gothic rock band The Sisters of Mercy.

What does it all mean?

All of this begs the question, have any of us ever really seen a woman on a train, or is it a ruse? What about people of the mid-twenties and beyond, cardboard props, humanoid robots?

If you come up with a solution to this conspiracy, please let us know.