In part one of our monthly series marking the opening of a dementia café in Gravesend, reporter ABIGAIL FOULKES finds out what dementia is and the ways people diagnosed with the memory disease cope.

LEARNING you have dementia is devastating.

But at the dementia café, in the Woodville Halls in Woodville Place, carers and those with dementia are encouraged to talk about how the disease affects them and how to live with it so it does not ruin their lives.

This month, dementia nurse team leader from the Jasmine Centre in Darenth Wood Road, Dartford Amie Page led a discussion on what dementia is, its symptoms and the importance of early diagnosis.

She also spoke about the work the centre carries out, including memory assessments, cognitive testing and pre and post diagnosis counselling.

She said: “It’s really helpful for people to have this support.

“When people are diagnosed, they are pleased to know what it is that’s making them behave the way they do.

“They have a reason for why things are happening and how to cope.”

Organiser Rock Sturt says he is pleased how the cafe ran.

He said: “I was delighted by the relaxed discussion in that people felt free to ask questions, make comments, and support one another in a sensitive way.”

Dementia is a condition that affects all areas of the brain and compromises the way you think and reason.

It is a progressive and irreversible destruction of brain cells leading to memory loss, confusion, personality and behaviour changes.

There are 1,000 people with dementia in Dartford and 1,100 in Gravesend.

Ajmer Gill, 73, discovered he had dementia in 2003 when his GP recommended a brain scan at the Jasmine Centre.

He was diagnosed with vascular dementia, caused by problems in the supply of blood to the brain.

The father-of-two said: “I didn’t realise, even when they told me. But it’s a way of life.

“I don’t want people to think I’m a sick person.”

Mr Gill’s wife, Satwant, has taken on the role of full-time carer.

The couple, of St Mark’s Avenue, Northfleet, were told a minor stroke from more than 20 years ago could have been the trigger for the progressive memory disease.

The grandfather-of-two said: “I’d have black outs where I didn’t know where I was.

“It’s like the world had stopped.

“Then, after a few seconds, I’d come back.”

Mrs Gill says her husband would put on one brown and one black shoe and leave the water running in the bathroom.

The 73-year-old said: “Before I knew he had dementia, I’d get angry.

“But it’s not his fault.

“Now, I only leave out one pair of shoes for him, and I lay out his clothes.

“I’ve also put a key round his neck and he’s got a beeper.”

Mr and Mrs Gill, who have been married for 54 years, say they still have a good relationship, despite the disease.

Mrs Gill said: “He’s a good husband, he’s always looked after me and now it’s by turn.

“He is always cheerful, always carefree.”

She continued: “We sleep separately, that’s our secret -I’ve put a bell next to his bed in case he needs me.”

The next dementia café will be on November 24.

For more information, call Alzheimer's & Dementia Support Services on 01474 533 990.