I mean it. When do kids stop being kids? It seems to me that these days, we are still calling young people 'kids' when they are old enough for us to know better.

In an age where people don't start work until they are well into their 20s - due to the college and university con utilised by the last government in order to fiddle the unemployment figures - isn't it time we reversed the situation and started classing those over the age of 18-years as 'adults'?

As far as I know, life expectancy hasn't shot up that quickly that we can now afford to class people of 24+ as 'kids'.

When I am long dead and the British population is dissappointed to die before the age of one hundred and eighty nine - this does not apply to Dartfordians, obviously due to their lifestyles - it might be fair to regard those who can grow better whiskers than Topol and bigger breasts than Dolly Parton as 'kids'.

When I was a youngster, I couldn't wait to be 16 because it meant I could get my leg over. 18 was good because I could vote and legitimately purchase a pint of ale. 21 was the icing on the cake because it meant that I was a true man, even though my 'key' had been inserted in the lock on quite a number of occasions by that time.

Perhaps names have got something to do with it. What happened to the old names like Robert, Mary, Alan, Patricia, John, Denise, Theresa, Edward, Simon and Naqoyqatsi?

I mean, how many times have you been in a supermarket or similar public place and been treated to a screaming child in tantrum mode and waited for its mother to yell, 'Taylor, shut up!', or 'Connor, put that back!'?

How about, 'Deacon, do wot you're told, will yer?'.

Perhaps it's all in the names, I don't know.

Whatever the reasons, I fail to understand why a man of 20-years-old who has never done a day's work in his life and prefers to spend his life sitting on a computer surfing rubbish like this while pretending to 'study' useless text books on media, travel & tourism and/or social science, can ever be expected to be respected as an adult.

Oh, I forgot. These days they can't do a day's graft because they are too good for that, aren't they? After all, who wants to get one's hands dirty by starting at the bottom of the career ladder when Jedward can start right at the very top?

If kids want to stay kids right up until their 30s, perhaps they shouldn't be allowed to vote until they are at least 35? Surely, they shouldn't be allowed to stay up past 10 o'clock if they've never done a stroke of work to earn their keep.

'What about sex?', I hear you ask. Well, I'd ban it. If a girl or boy of 27 can't swing their legs out of bed in the morning to trudge off to work, they shouldn't have free reign to swing their legs over either.

Call me old-fashioned if you like, but the mums and dads of today aren't helping matters. They mollycoddle their dire offspring, give them stupid names and encourage them to study useless subjects full in the knowldge that it will all end in tears and debt. Not only that, parents today haven't got the bottle to give their kids a good clip round the ear when they play-up.

This is my advice:

1. Give your child a proper name.

2. Tell it off when it is naughty.

3. If a telling off doesn't work, give it a smack.

4. When you realise your child is not clever, make plans to get it a job.

5. If your thicko kid called Shania or Addison is still sitting at home dissilusioned, bored, depressed and suffering from ADHD at the age of 25, do the following: make a pointed hat out of an old newspaper, write a big 'D' on the front of it, put it on your stupid head and sit in the corner of your tasteless front room for the next 20 years with your thumb stuck firmly in your dribbling gob.

After all, you deserve it, sucker!