THE Eltham Park crow, the subject of much negative publicity in News Shopper over the past fortnight, has turned up at our Petts Wood headquarters to have its say.

The deranged bird, which has attacked joggers, hates blondes and has even pursued petrified hospital workers into the Queen Elizabeth in Woolwich, turned up in Petts Wood at 9am on Monday morning, screeching and pecking on News Shopper’s front door.

Journalists and advertising staff face a perilous journey from the building to the car park as the crow, which has a much larger than normal beak, circles menacingly above, waiting to strike.

Intrepid Bromley reporter David Mills managed to capture some video footage of the crow before he was forced to flee the scene.

He said: “As soon as I got the camera out, I knew I was getting some priceless footage.

“I managed to stay on him but then he saw me and I had to run – proper fast – to get away from him. I’ve never been so scared on a job in my life.”

Crows regularly come out on top in avian IQ tests. They can identify humans through facial characteristics and they’re known to enjoy recreational fishing trips.

In the Morrocan city of Marrakesh in 1977, a crow was involved in the design of the notorious one-way system, its instinctive sense of direction put to good use by city engineers who tied a monitor balloon to the bird’s beak.

The bird – Ourika – was eventually stuffed and can be found among the exhibits at Marrakesh Museum.

The Eltham Park crow – which we’re calling Russell – doesn’t know how to rein in its temper, flying into an uncontrollable bird rage at any perceived slight. It attacks at the merest provocation, forcing many park-goers in Eltham to wear hard hats to protect their brains.

News Shopper editor Richard Firth said: “These are clever birds. The experts are saying he may very well have seen our story and has come to complain about it.

“A lot of the guys here are scared for their lives but it’s me he wants. I guess I’ll have to confront him but I’ve got a wife and kids – I don’t want any trouble.”

Keep checking the website for sightings of the Eltham Park Crow. Have you seen him? Email News Shopper to report your sightings. But go easy – it’s only a matter of time before this bird takes a life.