The Official Monster Raving Loony Party may be full of loons but as chief reporter LUCY BRINICOMBE found out, electing Lord Toby Jug for Kent County Council would be good news for squirrels ...

YOU must never forget the squirrels and with so many around Vigo, Lord Toby Jug has the answers to ensure they live life to the full.

Little lollipop ladies under 5ft tall would ensure they get across the busy Harvel Road safely.

And, if he wins a seat at Kent County Council (KCC), he would slap red paint on half the grey squirrels to boost the indigenous red population. Simple.

Florescent dog food would be supplied so their mess would glow in the dark to warn off pedestrians.

Another bright idea is to introduce a 99p coin to save change.

Pram lanes in shopping centres and licences for shopping trolleys to prevent trolley-rage would also be brought in.

And sheep and cattle would be herded along busy roads at designated times to provide a "natural traffic-calming influence".

"It's just common sense", said the 39-year-old from his Highview mansion, Vigo, where he lives with partner Lady Julie, 34, and four-month old Screaming Lord Thomas. "We're not silly in the Loony party."

Lord Jug moved from London two years ago, after standing in two General Elections against Tony Banks in east London in 1992 and 1997.

He is not only standing for the Gravesham Rural seat in the KCC elections but also in Conservative leader Michael Howard's Folkestone and Hythe constituency in tomorrow's General Election.

Both campaigns Don't be a Mug, Vote Lord Toby Jug he says, have been well-received.

"Once a county councillor," he said, "I'll put county hall on wheels and tour it around Kent so everyone can get to speak to me and all the others who make the decisions which affect people so much."

A statue of party founder Screaming Lord Sutch would be put outside county hall, while Vigo would become independent setting its own taxes and having its own King and Queen, sworn in by Lord Jug.

He said: "The campaign's been about watching for all the silly things politicians say and ridiculing them.

"Everyone knows politicians are full of hot air. I've been out proving that. We highlight their stupidity."

And he added: "There should be a super-tax on grey suits. They're so boring and we're fun with a serious message.

"I could do a better job than any of those people and if I was elected common sense would prevail."

He insists he is not "completely loony", having gathered a petition to improve Vigo's bus services and more than 500 names over the closure of Vigo Village surgery.

"Compared to the other parties, we're sensible", he said. "We're the official loonies and the others are just loony."

He has promised a free holiday to the Bahamas for everyone who votes for him, along with a set of matching suitcases.

And, always up for a flutter, he has placed £5 at 50,000 to one odds he will beat Mr Howard tomorrow and a further £5 at 50 million to one his son will be the first Official Monster Raving Loony Party British Prime Minister.

"By the time I'm an OAP that'll be a nice little earner," he said.


  • The Official Monster Raving Loony Party was founded by the late Screaming Lord Sutch in 1983.
  • Alan Lord Howling Hope took over joint leadership of the party with his cat Mandu after Lord Sutch's death in 1999. Cat Mandu died in June 2002.
  • The party's 2005 General Election manifesto includes inviting European countries to join the pound, reducing class sizes by making pupils sit closer together at smaller desks, trebling the police force by getting all officers to say "hello, hello, hello" and making all "weapons of mass distraction" highly visible so they can be found.
  • Successes include Lord Sutch's call for the voting age to be brought down from 21 to 18 and for 24-hour drinking. Since then the party has called for pubs to be open 36 hours a day.
  • A victory party in Vigo's The Villager pub in Erskine Road is being held tonight the night before the election from 8pm.