September and October were fairly busy months in Chez Naq.

Firstly I got married to the lady who is now my wife; secondly she was fairly immediately taken into hospital for some nasty (yet planned) surgery and thirdly my best mate, who was also my best man took a turn for the worse with his cancer (Sadly he actually passed away less than 4 weeks after my wedding - RIP Chris ) Consequently a few things got absent-mindedly passed over.

One of these was my water rates bill.

As it happened on the morning of October 24th I had just discovered my oversight and had paid it on line. Less than an hour later I received a telephone call from a personage, clearly of Asian origin who started straight in by demanding who he was speaking to.

I asked him who he wanted and he reiterated his demand to know who I was.

My back was instantly up and I told him that I had no intention of telling an anonymous caller who he was speaking to.

This little back and forth went on for a bit until he finally decided to inform me who he wanted to talk to and asked again if he was speaking to that person.

I told him that he was and asked him who he was and what he wanted.

Without telling me his name he simply launched into telling me that I had an outstanding bill with Thames water; it had to be paid at once; he'd take my payment over the phone now with my debit card....

"Like hell you will!" was my reply.

Now as I said I had already paid the bill but this urchin's attitude meant that there was now way I was going to let him get off easily.

Having been told I had no intent of paying him there and then, he launched into how I HAD to pay immediately otherwise they would take legal action against me and my water supply would be disconnected.

I asked him why anyone in their right mind would simply hand out their debit card details to anyone who just happened to phone up and demand them. His response was to assure me (big deal) that he was from Thames water and that it would be perfectly safe to give him my details.

Having just checked for pine needles from where he thought I'd just fallen out of the Christmas tree and finding that I lacked any such accoutrements I assured him I had no intent either now or later to give him my personal details on the strength of his assurances.

He continued to demand that I paid my bill immediately and I continued to not inform him that it was in fact actually settled. I mean to say, it's not my fault that their system hands out outdated information.

He then told me that he could prove who he was and would tell me my account number to which I replied that unfortunately this wasn't something that I walked around either carrying in my wallet or as a tattoo across my forehead.

All the time he kept insisting that I had to pay there and then and eventually before I referred him to the best way to store his head, I took his name (proving he was an 'off shore' asian employee) and hung up on him.

The following Monday I spoke to Thames Water's customer liaison. Thankfully they are actually based in the UK and employ people with somewhat more than a tenuous grip on the English language and on the basics of credit security.

The lady was (supposedly) dumbfounded that the man demanded this information since he is (supposedly) only meant to offer me the opportunity to pay there and then but make no threats of legal action or service disconnection. The reason for this is that, at the present time no water authorities are legally allowed to disconnect a customers service for anything other than emergency repair measures.

I also explained that I had received no red bill reminder (ah happy days) and was told that this is no longer done. Instead they use these "off shore" collecting agencies.

I also tried (unsuccessfully) to find out why I, at 3 weeks behind payment had been chased whilst my Wife's tenant had been allowed to build up a 6 month plus unpaid water rates bill. Her reply didn't make much sense in as far as it seemed he had more rights as a tenant (although his name was on the water rates bills) than I had as an owner. Work that one out !

However what it boils sown to is that if anyone calls and demands on the spot debit/credit card payment for ANYTHING tell them to go and boil their head unless you know for a racing certainty that they are working for who they say they are.

I would imagine that this is how people are quite easily flustered and then fleeced of their security numbers because the man never once offered his name or any security code for me to check with without my asking for it.

Thank god that apparently Thames Water and (so I am informed) BT are finally aiming to ditch these out-of-the-UK service centres and re-establish them back in Blighty.