If you sat a teenage boy down and asked him design his dream bar, then there’s a chance it would look something like Mascots.

This ruddy enormous sports bar has more than 50 screens. There are even screens in the luxury loos upstairs, so you won’t even miss the action while you’re taking a whizz.

So there will be no excuse for missing a moment of England’s Euro 2016 campaign.

Even on a quiet daytime, there was live tennis and golf and a reel of vintage Chelsea goals from the mid-1990s.

If sitting and chatting is not for you, then you can have a go at table tennis, pool, pinball, or one of those boxing machines that measures how hard you punch and usually attracts a crowd of enthusiastic meatheads.

Apparently there are Playstations and Xboxes too which I didn’t see, hardly your average pub fare but a definite extension of the adolescent fantasy.

Alongside a long bar, you can hardly fault this dedication to keeping drinkers entertained. In fact, laddy though it is, I can’t think of somewhere better to watch a big match or catch up with some mates.

Around all of the games and screens, this pub looks like it is straight out a US teen flick, sparkling clean with a long bar, booths with red leather and curly benches of black leather and vivid red walls liberally sprinkled with sporting pictures and memorabilia.

The menu is pretty lad-oriented too, consisting mainly of fry-ups, steaks and burgers. Even the writing was big for those that don’t read good.

My pulled pork ciabatta was brought out on one of those slates with chips in a little basket by a friendly Aussie barmaid and, sadly, failed to live up to my slender expectations. And some cutlery wouldn’t have gone amiss, either.

Mascots, High Street, Bromley

How it rated:

Décor ***** They’ve gone all out

Atmosphere *** Hard to gauge on a non-match day

Food ** A bit ropey

Drink *** A couple of unusual beers

Staff *** Friendly enough

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