WHILE winter’s icy grip loosened briefly last week, whip in hand and sleigh well oiled, I seized the day and lashed at my team of frost bitten poodles to mush their way across the arctic wastelands of south east London and on to the borough of Bexley.
The pooches barely had time to lick their wounds and calluses as we paused for a mince pie in Eltham before I was once again pushing the boundaries of animal cruelty and driving my pack of Battersea bitches on to my first stop in this month’s pub crawl.
You may find this hard to believe but Santa isn’t the only one with a sack full of festive cheer this year.
So the question is, will Bexley light my Yuletide log or leave me cold without so much as a turkey stuffing?
ROUND 1
LIKE most art, look close enough and you’ll see nothing but heavy brush strokes and messy blobs of paint.
And so it is with The Portrait in Main Road, Sidcup.
While from afar it looks like it is bursting with character, inside it’s just a disappointing Wetherspoon’s clone.
It’s just a shame the prices don’t match the bargain basement chain’s.
A missed opportunity to do something interesting. Curry and a drink on a Thursday is not bad at £5.99 but while the Cobra beer fizzed, the Kashmiri chicken was so mild it bordered on bland. ***
ROUND 2
I’M MAKING a list and checking it twice and The George in High Street, Bexley gets top marks for festive cheer.
With a great selection of hot, boozy tipples, it answered all my Christmas prayers.
Throw in a roaring fireplace, a Christmas tree and a suitably jovial atmosphere and you have a pub Santa would be proud of.
Beat the big freeze with a hot chocolate and Bailey’s. But at £3.45 it’s a bit of an indulgence. ****
ROUND 3
IF YOU enjoy hanging out in seedy hotel lobbies or airport waiting rooms with the lights dimmed, then you’ll love the Furze Wren in Market Place, Bexleyheath.
Peering through a haze of gloomy brown decor I just about spotted the bar.
But like the glum, weather- beaten faces of the punters in this Wetherspoon’s, the selection of Christmas ales was depressingly poor, with just the smoky Turkey’s Trauma (£2.05) on tap.
One for Christmas shoppers on their last legs only. *
ROUND 4
THE sign behind the bar in Welling’s Duchess of Edinburgh in Upper Wickham Lane, sums up this pub, associated with the BNP for years, in five pithy words — “Welcome to the nut house.”
Navigating through a sea of white skinheads to order a pint of gassy San Miguel (£3), the music ground to a halt and I felt a thousand eyes boring into me.
Perhaps wearing my Jesus Loves Obama T-shirt was a mistake.
The worst place to begin or end any pub crawl. Avoid unless your name is Hitler. *
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