DECOR ** (bare) DRINK ** (small selection) PRICE ** (a tale of two halves — pricey beer but cheap spirits) ATMOSPHERE *** (down to earth) STAFF *** (warm and welcoming) FOOD **** (great Jamaican fare)

EITHER the original owner of this shabby looking boozer was a comic book villain called Mr Two Half or an illiterate fool.

Perhaps there’s a good reason for the misspelt name of this pub.

However, the urge to slip down here in the dead of night, whip out my spray can and make the necessary correction to the sign above the entrance was so overwhelming I had to squint as I walked in to avoid seeing the literary abomination.

Sitting next to the post office, Two Half’s looks more like a storage warehouse for lost and forgotten mail than a friendly drinking establishment.

There’s enough room in its bare and cavernous interior to swing a cat or even a small child for that matter, as the place was crawling with the creatures when I visited.

Echoing with the screams and squeals of around 10 holidaying brats I could barely hear myself grumble let alone enjoy the camp sounds of Abba and Britney Spears being piped through the speakers.

I realise it’s a biological necessity for people to breed and populate the Earth, but why should I sup and suffer because people choose to procreate.

That’s why I had myself sterilised at the age of 18 — I choose beer over babies every time.

Despite the faint ringing in my ear, the barmaid was thankfully warm, welcoming and patient, pouring me a pint of Kronenbourg (£3.30) with a smile and calling me babe as if I was a small talking pig which made grown men cry.

With no ale and more pool tournament trophies behind the bar than bottles of WKD, it was obvious the main focus of drinkers in this pub is games not the selection or quality of booze on offer.

With two pool tables and a contest held every Tuesday evening, if potting a few balls is what gets you through the week, then this should definitely be high on your list of pubs to visit.

Fortunately, for those who think a cue sounds like a long wait for nothing, you can always fill your belly with some authentic Jamaican food from the hole-in-the-wall restaurant at the back.

After buying a Jack Daniel's and coke (oddly cheaper than my pint at £3.05), I ordered the jerk chicken (£5.50) recommended by the easy going owner of Bickles Kitchen.

Despite the chicken being a tad too tough and dry for my tastes, it was spicy and delicious.

If you love your food with a side order of drama, the restaurant owner also stages plays in the pub where the actors perform while serving a three-course meal (£20).

The Two Half’s may be a little rough around the edges, but it’s not without a certain amount of earthy charm.

Looks can often be deceiving and if you don’t mind scratching a little beneath the surface, this boozer is potentially a great hang out.

Now, where was that spray can again?

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