As Puppetry of the Penis goes back on tour, Matthew Jenkin finds out what member-bending tricks the boys have up their trousers this time.

WHAT does a hamburger, the Eiffel Tower and the Loch Ness Monster have in common? Incredibly they are all shapes which the impossibly flexible performers in Puppetry of the Penis are able to contort their reproductive organs into.

“My favourite is ET,” Rich Binning, who joined the show three years ago after auditioning as a joke, proudly admits.

But the American’s piece de resistance is the hot dog, which apparently took some twisting into.

“I had difficulty making it for several weeks, just to get my testicles that flexible.

“But I really wish now I had a foreskin so I could make the baby bird.”

The show first debuted in Melbourne, Australia, in 1998 and has since played to more than 10 million people in 30 countries, been performed in Spanish and French, and in temperatures ranging from 52 degrees to minus 38.

Now it’s back touring the UK, visiting Croydon’s Fairfield Halls next Friday, and this time in 3D.

With a giant screen behind the boys providing intimate close-ups and the audience wearing glasses throughout, the art of genital origami has never been more eye-poppingly fun.

“The 3D makes it more silly and fun,” says American-born Binning.

“We went to a studio and added CGI to a lot of the shots, so when we make the Eiffel Tower, for instance, we really set it in Paris and have fireworks exploding off it.”

Despite having learnt a few tricks while at university, showing off in front of his friends at drunken frat parties, it took Binning around two weeks of hard-core training before he was able to perfect the show’s, apparently painless, repertoire.

The happy news is anyone can become a crown jewels Jedi if they so wish.

“Every guy can do at least some of the tricks," encourages Binning.

“In New York we had an 80-year-old man come on stage and make a burger with us and the audience just lost it.

“When he dropped his pants it was so funny and he was impressive.”

To book for Puppetry of the Penis at Fairfield Halls on November 11, at 8pm, call 020 8688 9291 or visit