VIDEO: Dan Dares - the cream cracker challenge

2:28pm Wednesday 13th August 2008

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Reporter, DAN KEEL, is taking part in a series of challenges over the next few months in a new feature for News Shopper - Dan Dares. Here he talks about his first dare - to break the world record for cream cracker eating.

And so here it begins - the first of my Dan Dares challenges, and as far as dares' go this one seemed pretty easy. Three cream crackers in under 49 seconds? I thought I could squeeze in a fourth.

But the day after the challenge was announced, I was persuaded to perform my first practise attempt in front of the entire office. A few wagers were being exchanged and they wanted to know where their money was going....

"Pathetic", "abysmal", "pitiful", "woeful", "lame" and "measly" - these were just a few of the words used to describe me - and that was before I had even started eating.

But after four minutes of cracker munching, the language became yet more colourful.

To give you a clue, one person shouted something which began with "F" and ended in "disgrace to the newspaper industry". Another simply said "you make me sick".

But the insult which cut the deepest was "Roy Castle is turning in his grave".

Another low-point came later that week when my attention was drawn to the story of a mature student who choked to death when he tried to swallow five fairy cakes in an impromptu competition at a bar. The 34-year-old went into cardiac arrest and died.

Sad as this was, I decided to press ahead with the challenge and began a rigorous training regime of six cream crackers a day. After a week I had shaved a minute off my personal best, but then I hit a brick wall.

I started to find that - very much like my toilet breaks - the more I ate, the harder and harder it became.

Demoralised by my lack of progress I began scouring the internet for help and managed to pick up a few tips.

The most constructive comment came from none other than the current world record holder, Ambrose Mendy, who in 2002 achieved an incredible time of 49.15 seconds.

In a rousing blog he said: "Everyone can do something well. It's all about concentration and telling your mouth to have saliva in it. Then it's just bite and swallow, bite and swallow."

Stirring stuff - I'm sure you will agree.

But as my challenge deadline approached I got nervous knowing my attempt would be recorded on video and posted on News Shopper's website.

I wanted the clip to be stored in the same box as a fresh-faced David Beckham scoring from the half-way line against Wimbledon in 1995, or Freddie Mercury stunning his Live Aid audience at Wembley in 1985.

I wanted it to be labelled as that defining moment. That moment when people sat up and said: "Yes - now that was something really special."

But when the time came all my concentration was dedicated to not throwing-up on the internet.

I gave it my best shot but I couldn't match the feat of Mendy. I came in with a pathetic time of 3mins and 5secs.

Every drop of moisture had been completely sucked out of my mouth, and to give you an idea of my commitment - I think I swallowed one piece of cracker which was the size of a 50 pence piece.

How anyone can down three in 49 seconds I will never know. But bring on the next challenge!