THE ASHES get underway tomorrow and for once England are the favourites. If you can’t cope with not being the underdog, Vibe can help you be more Australian. Pull on your thongs (the shoes, the shoes!) and follow these simple steps.

Crack open a stubbie

Everyone knows the Aussies love a lager. That’s cold beer, not warm. But don’t touch that Fosters rubbish, get yourself some VB, Toohey’s or XXXX – the latter is how the Queenslanders spell beer.

Majestic in Bromley sell Toohey’s New for £48 for 24 375ml bottles, while Chislehurst and Greenwich Majestics serve up the delightful Coopers Pale Ale for £17.99 for a dozen 375ml bottles. With the taxes down under, it is probably cheaper over here.

Get a mullet

They’ve all had the mullet: Shane Warne, Glen McGrath, Mel Gibson, Jason Donovan. In order to be an Aussie, you need one too. Accessorise with a ‘tache and a pie.
Get yours at Kings Hair and Beauty in Copperfields, Dartford for £17.50. Go to kingshairandbeauty.co.uk.

Get to grips with bush tucker

In the song, she may have smiled and given him a Vegemite sandwich, but in Oz they do eat other foods – namely Lamingtons, ANZAC biscuits, Tim Tams, grubs and animal testicles and virtually anything you can throw on a barbecue.

Try out low fat, high protein Kangaroo (it’s gamey and wonderful rare), Ostrich or Crocodile (like chewier chicken) at exotic butchers JM Danslow in Windmill Street, Gravesend.

Play the digeridoo

Like a giant recorder with no holes (it isn’t) every Aussie can play this and the wobbleboard at the same time, with their eyes closed (they can’t).

Gravesend woodsman Paul Cook learnt to play the digeridoo 20 years ago. Ten years ago, he began making them and eight years ago he took up teaching. Play like a pro: didgetallpaul.co.uk

Listen to some proper Aussie tunes

Roll the windows down on your Holden (ok, Vauxhall) and crank up tunes from the Land Down Under. Men at Work, INXS, Rolf, Jason and Kylie are the go-to guys.

Get your fix at Cruisin’ Records in Welling High Street or Deptford Market.