Famous Crystal Palace, Charlton and Millwall fans: The starting XI

Jim Davidson is a Charlton Athletic fan

Jim Davidson is a Charlton Athletic fan

First published in Sport
Last updated
News Shopper: Photograph of the Author by , deputy news editor

Goalkeeper: Gregg Wallace - the Masterchef presenter, who reportedly has a Millwall lion tattooed to his chest, is a self-confessed pudding addict and would certainly be a presence between the posts.

Right back: Lee Ryan - 'Singer' Ryan is described as an "avid supporter of Charlton Athletic" on boy band Blue's official website. In May he was fined after he admitted urinating in a police cell after a drink-driving arrest, the sort of behaviour that makes him ideal for a professional footballer.

Centre back: Jo Brand - Actress and comedienne Brand was seen cheering Crystal Palace from the stands as they won promotion to the Premier League last year. 

News Shopper: David Haye

Centre back: David Haye - The former WBA heavyweight champion has supported Millwall since he was a child, and would be a rock in the centre of defence. 

Left back: James Buckley - The Inbetweeners star is a keen Palace fan, getting into a Twitter spat with Iain Dowie's son, Oliver, after suggesting it would be a bad idea for Dowie to return to Palace in place of Ian Holloway. He was right of course, it would've been a terrible idea. The 27-year-old Croydon lad would give the back line an injection of youth.

News Shopper: Jim Davidson

Right wing: Jim Davidson - Davidson, a staunch admirer of Margaret Thatcher and notorious for singling out disabled people and ethnic minorities during his stand up shows, slots in nicely on the right side of midfield. The controversial comic is a Charlton Athletic fan.

Centre midfield: Dave Berry - Also a Charlton fan, the TV and radio presenter was appointed an ambassador for the Charlton Community Trust in 2012. Berry, who used to date Sugarbabe Heidi Range, adds a bit of glamour to the midfield.

News Shopper: Eddie Izzard is offering VIP tickets to Palace fans.

Centre midfield: Eddie Izzard (c) - the potential future mayor of London and stand-up comedian has been a Palace fan for over 40 years, and became an associate director of the club in 2012. At the time he set realistic goals going forward, stating: "All I really want is for Crystal Palace to win every game from now until the end of time. That's all." That sort of inspiration makes him the team captain.

Left wing: Mark Steel - Stand-up comedian Steel is well known for his socialist views, so would be a useful asset on the left. He is a regular at Crystal Palace, lamenting Tony Pulis' recent departure by tweeting: "Oh Palace, it's healthy to be reminded that when life seems fine, reality f**** you up the a*** with an especially jagged stork of rhubarb."

News Shopper: Blake Harrison

Forward: Blake Harrison - It's always important to have a target man up front and Harrison, the second inbetweener to make the team, fills that role. And if the 6ft 1in Millwall fan's character Neil is anything to go by, he's got the Peter Crouch-esque celebration to go alongside it.

Forward: Daniel Day-Lewis - When accepting a BAFTA for There Will Be Blood in 2007, Day-Lewis described the terraces at Millwall as one of the "playgrounds" of his youth. Also he's always talking about "my left foot". So we'll see.

News Shopper: Gary Oldman's role in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy was an 'easy fit'

Manager: Gary Oldman - Millwall fan Oldman's morally righteous Batman persona Jim Gordon is an advisable one for this role, after the 56-year-old inadvisably defended Mel Gibson's racist slurs in an interview earlier this year. I mean, we've all witnessed what's happened to Malky Mackay.  

Assistant manager: Danny Baker - Lifelong Millwall supporter and broadcaster Baker isn't short of footballing opinions and would be a useful right-hand man for Oldman.

Comments (2)

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9:17am Sat 23 Aug 14

The Fozziest of Bears says...

Slow news day, or just bored at work ?
Slow news day, or just bored at work ? The Fozziest of Bears
  • Score: 2

1:04pm Sat 23 Aug 14

jblock says...

you forgot babe charlton fan gemma arteton...... get that fat cow joe brand out.
you forgot babe charlton fan gemma arteton...... get that fat cow joe brand out. jblock
  • Score: 1
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