OTHER people can be horrible creatures when you think about it, full of annoying habits they’re unable to control.
It would be fine if they kept their most infuriating traits to themselves behind closed doors but, no, they have to take them out in public and unleash them on everybody else.
In no particular order, here are 16 of the most irritating things people do that simply can’t be overlooked or forgiven - the sins that should result in a punch to the face of the perpetrator being applauded rather than punished.
1. Non-stop sniffing
Coughing or sneezing near me is OK if you at least put your hands over your mouth. Incessantly sniffing in my vicinity most definitely isn’t OK. Carry tissues or a hanky with you, failing that get up off your backside to get some paper towel or toilet paper. Above all else, just blow your bloody nose.
2. Word crimes
The words you’re looking for are definitely, delicious, apologies and obviously. If you replace them with defo, delish, apols and obvs you’re obviously a stup mor and we’ve got a prob.
3. Do I know you?
If I’ve never met you before then I’m not your “mate”. So don’t call me “mate”. It just makes you seem insincere or full of yourself for thinking everyone is your “mate”. Or maybe you have a speech problem?
4. Basically, like
Since I mentioned speech problems, you clearly have one if you feel the need to put “basically” or “like” into every sentence six times or have to end everything you say with “yeah?” or “know what I mean?”, you know what I mean, basically, like?
5. Slow walkers
If you want to dawdle down the street chatting to your buggy-pushing chums or you’re out for a leisurely stroll, that’s fine – just have the decency to get out of my way when I’m obviously not lucky enough to have the same amount of time on my hands as you. I shouldn’t have to say “excuse me” to get around you on the path, nor should I have to put up with your grunts and glares as you begrudgingly move out the way.
We should have a footpath lane system – one for slow movers and the other for people who want to walk at a normal speed. The slow lane would have to be very wide though to accommodate all those hogs that like to walk three or four abreast. Try to avoid poking people’s eyes out with your umbrella while you’re walking too please.
If you want to kill yourself with cigarettes then go ahead and be my guest, but keep your disgusting smoke to yourself in the process. Don’t light up near to me and don’t give me a face full of smoke. Your might want to breath in toxins or like your clothes to stink but I don’t.
7. Loud music
If the music on your iPhones is at such high volume that it’s possible for people nearby to hear every note and word of the song you’re clearly a selfish git. It’s quite easy. If you take your headphones off and can still hear the music you have it on too loud. Then there’s those anti-social people who don’t even use earphones – just their crap phone speaker. Or the ones who start singing or rapping along. In fact, it might be time to ban listening to music on public transport altogether. It’s the only way.
8. Wait your turn
If you don’t have the patience to wait while people get off a train or bus before you board it you shouldn’t be allowed out in public.
9. Seat blockers
It’s also bad manners to be a seat blocker, such as by taking up a spare seat on a bus or train with your bags or by sitting in the aisle seat when there’s a perfectly good empty window seat next to you. Why should other people have to clamber over you or ask you to shift your stuff before they can sit down?
10. Read the signs
If the sign at the station says to walk on the right, how about you walk on the right? If it says keep left then keep left. Put simply, follow signs and don’t get in my way if I’m coming in the opposite direction and haven’t ignored the sign. If you’re coming up or down stairs at a station don’t be among those idiots who take up the entire width which leaves no room for someone who might, god forbid, want to come the other way.
Photo by HowardLake via Flickr
11. Close your mouth
Chewing gum is perfectly fine but I don’t need to hear you doing it with the slurping, popping and other noises you might want to make. The same sort of thing applies to when you decide to stink up my bus or train with your fast food – try eating with your mouth closed rather than like a cow chewing cud. And when you’re in a restaurant, try using those things ... oh, what are they called ... ah, yes, manners. Soup or noodles can be eaten without the need for a noise abatement order.
12. Again, wait your turn
We’re British and we queue, damn it. Don’t push in at the pub and get served first when you can see others are waiting, and don’t cut in front of me at the supermarket or takeaway line, otherwise a particularly frosty “do you mind?” will be heading your way.
13. Dropping litter
Take it home or bin it, otherwise you’re just lazy and ignorant. A bloke opposite me on the Tube was eating a banana and brazenly left the skin on his seat when he got up and left. In reality I obvs said and did nothing. In my fantasy the scene became a cartoon in which I caught up with him and rammed the skin down his throat.
14. Control your brats
As a parent I know every child throws a tantrum or misbehaves at some point, so I don’t mind if there’s a mini human crying in their pushchair or making a bit of noise. But there’s no excuse, other than being a bad parent, for letting your kid charge around a coffee house while you sit idly by sipping at your latte or for allowing your unpleasant offspring to race up and down the aisles of a supermarket getting in everyone’s way and pulling things off shelves. I suppose if you have no consideration for others, it’s too much to expect little Tyler and Tallulah to have any.
15. You’re welcome
If I politely move out of your way or hold a door open for you I don’t expect to be made godfather to little Tyler and Tallulah or for you to leave me your house in your will, but I do expect a little common courtesy and a “thank you”. I’ll even settle for a simple nod of acknowledgement or wave of appreciation. Not too much to ask, is it?
16. Cycle rage
Cyclists, did you know there are such things as roads? Use them. You don't need to be on the pavement weaving around pedestrians when there's a perfectly good road all of about three feet away. Mind you, there is no excuse either for numpty pedestrians to be walking along clearly marked cycle paths and risking getting run over. There are anti-social people on two wheels and two feet.
This rundown stops at 16 due to the cathartic effect of assembling the list no longer being able to keep the burning rage at bay, but there are probably hundreds more annoying habits which have been missed off. Why don t you take over and let off some steam by sharing some of the pet peeves that aggravate you the most – add your comments below.