Boybands are a strange

commodity, writes Andrew Richards

Part asexual, Aryan e-fits, part air, part water and part make-ups of every demographic ever displayed at an advertising meeting.

Why they exist, no one knows. Why they profit so hugely is a hideous mystery.

But they walk the earth hanging around like some

unholy Chris De Burgh/ George Benson/Abba monster.

Smoketrader have definitely taken this route, but with a few variations.

Firstly, they try to rock, the same way NSync try to rawk! Secondly, they try to do it funky style, just like Britney Spears. Thirdly, they go electronic, yes, a bit like Cher on Do You Believe?

Theyve played cruise ships and top private functions in London (a wedding?).

But before you turn the page, the Surrey-based band are not all that bad, honest.

Dan Tracy (vocals/sax), Alex Gayle (guitar), David Knight (drums), Barny Livermoore (lead guitar) and Andy Lissamore (bass) may sound like a bad episode of Popstars, but they do have something.

Unfortunately, its not a million miles away from the sort of sound the Boyzones and 5ives pumped out like toxic fumes.

First track, Too Late, is definitely of this vein, but has a competence and a bounce to it that doesnt make it completely awful.

Tracy has a good set of lungs (but looks like the man out of Brother Beyond: tan, white teeth, blond dye). The rest pull the song together nicely enough. But Im over 12, so it means nothing to me.

Smokin starts off well. A tidy mix of Issac Hayes and Red Hot Chilli Peppers, but with a kind of dinner party funk to it that many men of middle management would call edgy.

Smoketraders image is contradictory and cancels itself out. The idea of manufactured bits of fluff dictated to by large record companies doesnt sit well with the idea of rock or funk, but still, theyll probably hit the top five.