Made for and set in Richmond, Whispers Along the Patio is little more than a rendition of sex, shouting and people who go to Kew Gardens.

Five sex-craved characters - a Yorkshire man, a hung-up Macedonian, an old pervert, his annoying niece and her side-kick - begin their day in Richmond at Help the Aged and Kew Gardens.

Mouthing off about racism, the hardships of living in a war zone, and British directness (if ever there was any), the pretty Macedonian has two men fighting over her when she arrives in Richmond.

And choosing a pensioner over a man from Leeds they sail off on a romantic boat trip while the rejected stallion moves on to Help the Aged where he is accosted by a pushy women trying to sell paintings and her body if he will have it.

As destiny has it, the five meet again at the professor's house where he lives with his niece and all but her side-kick helper hang out in the kitchen incidentally, off stage for most of the night to get their wicked ways.

But it's all talk and no action for these guys, who fail to find relief and whose dinner is possibly the strangest dinner party in town.

To be fair, director Sam Walters has little to work with on a play that tends to move more in circles, in terms of who fancies whom and what they are going to do about it, but David Cregan managed to successfully target his audience of long-time Richmond residents who fully appreciated his style.

October 24, 2001 17:30