Jimmy Greaves scored 400 goals in 600 professional games of football, writes Brendan Thomas.

That's two goals for every three appearances. What's more, Jimmy scored 47 goals for England from 57 starts.

This makes Jimmy the most reliable British goal scorer ever and, in the eyes of many, a legend.

But it's over 30 years since he stopped playing. Now he does personal appearances. And he does them well.

Jimmy with a little help from his mate, hard-man Ron Chopper' Harris treated a packed Ashcroft Theatre to an evening of name-dropping football nostalgia, fond memories and irreverent humour.

It was a polished and easy-going performance from Jimmy, who is a natural comic.

Chopper came on and remembered how different football was in the old times.

When a manager used to tell Chopper to put a player out of the game, Chopper would ask: "Just this game, or permanently?"

He thinks players fall over too easily nowadays.

One time, for example, he was watching David Ginola playing football on TV as his wife did the hoovering.

She only caught the leg of the TV with the hoover, and Ginola fell over.

In the second half, Jimmy answered questions.

He explained how his knees would turn to jelly when faced with 100,000 roaring supporters at Wembley.

But it was even more worrying, he said, when goalkeeper Gordon Banks dropped his cup of tea at half time.

The crowd loved him.

And hecklers were generally polite possibly for fear of a "larruping" from Chopper.

At the end of the show, Jimmy had to get going back to his home in Essex.

He had been having problems with a neighbour with a large dog. A German Shepherd would jump over his fence and go to the toilet on his lawn.

Jimmy said that he was worried that the man might start bringing his dog over the fence too.

o Jimmy will be making a guest appearance at An Evening with George Best at the Fairfield on May 19.

January 29, 2003 14:00