In yet another blizzard I hitched up the dog team (well just one now that Misty is no more R.I.P) and headed off to the new Tesco direct store which had opened in Biggin Hill, two doors up from Waitrose.

Because I had only wanted some milk and a couple of rolls I didn't take my wallet.

Instead I had stapled to my loins one whole £5 note, coin of the realm, gawd bless ya'.

I had always been under the impression that legal tender, within certain statutory bounds is just that; legal tender and if offered for payment should be acceptable.

Anyway in this new store there are 4 checkout positions; 2 of which are these self-serve scanner types (nothing wrong there) and two manned (although I suppose the correct term is 'personned') tills.

The two queues of "Oo-er, Blimey Mildred, Wot on erfs this fing?" O.A.Ps trying to fathom their way around the self serve checkouts was only to be expected and as I had only brought cash I went to the other two tills.

There I was told that as I'd got stuff from the bakery I had to go through the self serve checkout and was directed to go and join Confused Clarissa and Baffled Brenda in their merry go round of fiscal fun and frolics.

I pointed out to Ms Tesco person that all I wanted was the 2 rolls and a small milk and I was paying by cash.

No I wasn't I was told. I had to pay via the self-serve checkout with a card.

"No havee cardee" I reply (without the accent) "Cash only in these pockets cor luvaduck don'tchaknow"

Not an inch did the tesco-ette budge; not one jot was she swayed.

"You have to go via the checkout and pay by card Sir"

As it was clearly apparent that this woman was either terminally stupid, had her hearing aid turned off or a mixture of both, in words of one syllable I tried to emphasise that I only had cash in my hairy sporran and about my person and that my card was languishing at home in my wallet, in the warm which was where I'd far rather be than shillyshallying about like this.

Her response? A Bart Simpson like shrug.

But she then had the gall to look affronted when I put my milk and rolls back on the counter, saw her shrug and raised it 3 fold and walked away, out of the door and into Waitrose who took my proffered moolah with a smile on their lips and a song in their hearts.

Byebye Tesco! I suspect you've blown it for at least this customer.

Tesco every little helps - if it's on plastic!