April has been a terrible month for celebrity relationships with Chris Martin, Gwyneth Paltrow and even Mr Bean all ending their long-term romances.
Has the recent sunny weather led to more roaming eyes? Or do people just want to be single for their seven-day trip to Ibiza?
Have you been dumped recently and don’t know why? Was it something you said? Something you did? Are your mates telling you you’re better off without them?
News Shopper may not be able to give you all the answers, but chances are you were dumped for one of these reasons:
10. You cheated
It happens! You were drunk, you were feeling low, an opportunity arose....and you took it. No one will hold it against you. Oh hang on - yes they will. You’re dumped.
9. You let yourself go
If a guy leaves a girl because she “let herself go”, he is ostracised from society and labelled a shallow, cantankerous bigot.
But guys, if you recently got ditched by your missus there’s a chance it’s for the very same reason, and I’m afraid that - unlike the girls - you won’t get any sympathy from your mates.
The recent long hard winter may have taken its toll, but that’s no excuse. You’re dumped.
8. He/she met someone else
I recently bought a new sofa. I was bored of the old one. I was sick of the site of it everytime I came home and walked through the door. I wanted something new and fresh to stimulate my eyes and something new to touch. In short, it was time for an upgrade. Everyone does it, no one says it out loud. I just did. You’re dumped.
7. A dealbreaker secret
Sometimes people hold things back. Should I tell her I used to be a stripper? Will she understand? We’ve been together for nearly a year now and yet she doesn’t know anything about that chapter in my life! Does that mean I don’t trust her and I’m not comfortable being myself around her? Yes, probably. You’re dumped.
6. He/she is just not that into you
Maybe the flame burned out, or maybe the match just never lit.
Like a damp soggy box of matches you found in the garage, it doesn’t matter how much you try, you just can’t find that vital spark that makes you want to rip their clothes off.
"I’m really sorry, I don’t want to hurt you, but.....you’re dumped" (however, I’d love it if we could still be friends).
5. He/she is a commitment-phobe
You try and you try, but there’s always a reason they won’t move in with you. “Maybe we should house-share with mates for one more year to save money- then we can afford somewhere really nice”.
Or how about “I don’t want to ruin what we have. Let’s take another year to make sure our relationship is really strong before we make a commitment like that”. You’re dumped.
4. You weren’t getting anywhere
Women love a man who makes the most of who he is. OK you got made redundant and you didn’t deserve it, but stop moping and do something about it. Otherwise, you’re dumped.
3. You’re an idiot
Cracking jokes and playing the fool is a great way of catching people’s attention.
Being the life and soul of the party may well help you meet prospective partners, but those toilet jokes aren’t going to work so well over a candle-lit supper, especially if you’ve got terrible table manners.
They might know you are a nice person underneath, but that’s not going to help if they feel an irresistible urge to rip your eyes out everytime you open your mouth. Grow up! You’re dumped.
2. It got boring
People always talk about how men like new things, new experiences, new adventures. Well, women have a secret side too that’s a bit like a lone female tiger.
If things get too steady or if you start taking them for granted then it’s possible he/she will start looking for thrills elsewhere, and that’s where they will stay.
1.You’re rubbish in bed
It can’t be true! They never said anything. They made all the right noises and I tried so hard. Maybe they never told you because they didn’t want to hurt your feelings.
Next time, ask permission before trying the helicopter. You’re DUMPED.