A selection of profound musings from the esteemed editor of News Shopper.
Click on the links to read them in context and see what he was actually writing about at the time.
But, whenever someone jumps from a motorway bridge, particularly the Dartford Crossing, or leaps in front of a train, particularly a fast-moving one at a station, the disruption for thousands of people is intolerable. - 'Safe' zones for suicides away from Dartford Crossing and train stations?
Now, before the letters/emails/tweets/general abuse start, I know childbirth is no walk in the park. - Why childbirth is tough on dads as well as mums
Jeremy Forrest didn’t hurt anyone. And before anyone starts bleating on about an abuse of trust, using his position etc, I get all of that ... His career is already shot and he’s not going to be a danger to anyone else, so where’s the justice? - Jeremy Forrest's only crime was falling in love
Suddenly Murray’s achievements paled into insignificance as I realised the biggest question we all face is how to control our own population before we self-destruct. - Questions on age, population control and Andy Murray
At this point, mistakenly and much to my later cost, I thought to myself: “This is too easy, it’s a piece of p***”. - Could News Shopper's editor organise a p***-up in a brewery?
As part of his stage act Magical, as I now know him, somehow combines escapology with break dancing. Sadly our new magical friend was carrying a groin injury meaning his full stage show was impossibility – actually, thinking about it, there was nowhere near the space required in the crowded bar either. - Could News Shopper's editor organise a p***-up in a brewery?
To all my fans at the BBC, I do appreciate the publicity, but you’re still part of the most arrogant, self-seeking and pretentious organisation on earth. - Make sports facilities free for children
My brother tells me that within the space of a week two people he knows both shot and killed themselves ...One apparently planned things well, notes, phone messages to loved ones and one clean shot. The other poor fellow got it wrong and took six hours to bleed to death before being found in his kitchen. - Suicide should be debated
Now, I’m not saying it’s wrong for the man to be there, but it’s now almost impossible for him to say no, whatever he thinks ... Obviously already emotionally charged and deprived of sleep, he will then face seeing the person he loves most in the world subjected to the most painful and traumatic ordeal and yet be powerless to do anything about it. This can have a profound and lasting effect on the man. - Why childbirth is tough on dads as well as mums
I’ve only been racially-abused once, though I did get a lot of flack at school about the size of my ears. - Ginger abuse and ribbing of redheads is not on
This list was submitted as a last-gasp entry for our ‘write a top 10’ competition. It was too good not to use but to save them any embarrassment we've decided not to name who contributed it. They do get our utmost love and respect, though.
The competition has now closed and we'll be revealing the winner soon. Thanks to everyone who submitted a list.
- ET didn't go home - he's in a tree trunk in Blackfen
- PICTURES: Teasy does it! It's World Tea Day today - here are the best places for a cuppa
- VIDEO: Underground rave on an Underground train gets broken up by police
- 12 crazy News Shopper stories that could be April Fools’ Day jokes but aren’t
- What have the Irish ever done for us? At least these 10 great things, to be sure
- Boys in blue (and we're not talking policemen) are most likely to get south London ladies swiping right on Tinder
- Could you be a butler in the buff? This job is for blokes with naked ambition
- REVEALED: Everything including the kitchen sink - where lusty Londoners love having sex around the home
- GALLERY: The best places to celebrate National Pizza Day according to our readers
- VIDEO: Would you act like a dog for exercise? Barking mad keep-fit class could be coming to a park near you