Crystal Palace to stay up, aliens tell Bromley woman who 'used to be Joan of Arc'

News Shopper: Stephany Cohen says aliens known as Grays have indicated Crystal Palace will avoid relegation. Stephany Cohen says aliens known as Grays have indicated Crystal Palace will avoid relegation.

A BROMLEY spiritual healer who claims she used to be Joan of Arc says aliens have told her Crystal Palace will stay in the Premier League.

Stephany Cohen is in constant communication with extra terrestrial races, including Grays, Cat People and the half-reptile, half-alien Reptilians.

The 52-year-old says the aliens have taken a special interest in Earth, and regularly travel across space from their home in the Canis Major system.

And Grays, who have previously passed on advice for Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger, have reassured her that struggling Palace will steer clear of relegation this season.

She said: "They are being positive. Pulis has got a very good work ethic. His forte is defensive.

"Now what he needs to do is help the team by keeping clean sheets as much as possible between now and May.

"They need a good team spirit, a good work ethic and good defensive tactics from the manager. If they stick to that they will stay up.

"It will be hard work but it will pay off."

Ms Cohen, of Durham Avenue, says the space people have also shown her memories from a previous life, in which she was French folk heroine and Roman Catholic saint Joan of Arc.

She told News Shopper: "I asked the spirit to show me.

"They showed me being dragged with a great big metal pole.

"They were dragging me towards a fire - they were going to burn me. I was absolutely in pieces.

"I was really in a panic because I didn't want to feel the fire burning my body.

"When I was on the fire I suddenly saw a space open up in my mind.

"I walked through the door."

As well as finding out about her past, she added that she has also received a glimpse of Britain's future, with London mayor Boris Johnson, brother of Orpington MP Jo, set to lead the country.

She said: "They say that he will run for Prime Minister and he will win it.

"At first it will seem like a breath of fresh air but his policies will wrangle with the public.

"He may be amicable, lovable and intelligent, but that won't do.

"People want to see more done for education, the NHS, the elderly, poverty. People will not benefit from or like some of the policies that will be made."

Comments (19)

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9:13am Fri 29 Nov 13

PaulErith says...

Well that's sorted then. I'm going to put all my money on Palace staying up before the bookies suspend betting on it.
Well that's sorted then. I'm going to put all my money on Palace staying up before the bookies suspend betting on it. PaulErith
  • Score: 18

10:25am Fri 29 Nov 13

cookster says...

Aliens and Joan of Arc I can believe, Palace staying up though is ridiculous!
Aliens and Joan of Arc I can believe, Palace staying up though is ridiculous! cookster
  • Score: 31

10:40am Fri 29 Nov 13

Witchkid says...

Never mind the aliens, Boris Johnson as PM??? I laughed so much I fell off my chair. Irresponsible article, NS - I could have been injured.........or bitten by a False Widow spider as I lay helpless on the floor!
Never mind the aliens, Boris Johnson as PM??? I laughed so much I fell off my chair. Irresponsible article, NS - I could have been injured.........or bitten by a False Widow spider as I lay helpless on the floor! Witchkid
  • Score: 13

11:18am Fri 29 Nov 13

Freda Livery says...

Boris may well become leader of the Tories but surely even the remnants of the gullible British electorate will not be stupid enough to make him Prime Minister
Boris may well become leader of the Tories but surely even the remnants of the gullible British electorate will not be stupid enough to make him Prime Minister Freda Livery
  • Score: 5

11:26am Fri 29 Nov 13

jaded1 says...

Why do you give this nutcase any publicity?
Palace will be in the premier league for three seasons-autumn,winte
r and spring!
Why do you give this nutcase any publicity? Palace will be in the premier league for three seasons-autumn,winte r and spring! jaded1
  • Score: 9

1:14pm Fri 29 Nov 13

Lure30 says...

Issues...
Issues... Lure30
  • Score: 7

1:14pm Fri 29 Nov 13

nearly right all the time says...

Pulis the dinosaur!

So sad to see Palace reduced to "long ball, long throw" cavalry charge football

Oh and by the way the old biddy is as mad as a hatter!
Pulis the dinosaur! So sad to see Palace reduced to "long ball, long throw" cavalry charge football Oh and by the way the old biddy is as mad as a hatter! nearly right all the time
  • Score: 2

1:25pm Fri 29 Nov 13

white rabbit9 says...

Why they so interested in football? blimey these aliens could clear up with their knowledge in the betting shops. Excellent!
Why they so interested in football? blimey these aliens could clear up with their knowledge in the betting shops. Excellent! white rabbit9
  • Score: 11

2:45pm Fri 29 Nov 13

sarfflondonbird says...

Sounds like someone to steer well clear of. Mind you, she's looks a bit of an alien.
Sounds like someone to steer well clear of. Mind you, she's looks a bit of an alien. sarfflondonbird
  • Score: 7

6:14pm Fri 29 Nov 13

tattman says...

so whens she booked in for her psych evaluation.......cle
arly a crack pot !!!
so whens she booked in for her psych evaluation.......cle arly a crack pot !!! tattman
  • Score: 7

7:27pm Fri 29 Nov 13

Bigginhillbilly says...

Barking mad. What planet is she from ....... and who did she speak to when she was there?
Barking mad. What planet is she from ....... and who did she speak to when she was there? Bigginhillbilly
  • Score: 7

8:03pm Fri 29 Nov 13

rojo174 says...

the gypo will love her.
the gypo will love her. rojo174
  • Score: 20

8:41pm Fri 29 Nov 13

nozarick says...

why is it that all these nutters believe they were once someone famous, why can't they accept that if they have been reincarnated that they may just have been an average soul??
why is it that all these nutters believe they were once someone famous, why can't they accept that if they have been reincarnated that they may just have been an average soul?? nozarick
  • Score: 6

10:59pm Fri 29 Nov 13

Gypo.Joe says...

rojo174 wrote:
the gypo will love her.
Been there, done that, got the T shirt boi. Back in the day I did have dreadlocks, that's when I was going fer the Drexl Spivey look.

"it aint white boy day is it "
[quote][p][bold]rojo174[/bold] wrote: the gypo will love her.[/p][/quote]Been there, done that, got the T shirt boi. Back in the day I did have dreadlocks, that's when I was going fer the Drexl Spivey look. "it aint white boy day is it " Gypo.Joe
  • Score: -22

6:05am Sat 30 Nov 13

Witchkid says...

Bigginhillbilly wrote:
Barking mad. What planet is she from ....... and who did she speak to when she was there?
I hear that she is from the Planet Mongo, and was evicted for making derogatory comments about Ming the Merciless.........
[quote][p][bold]Bigginhillbilly[/bold] wrote: Barking mad. What planet is she from ....... and who did she speak to when she was there?[/p][/quote]I hear that she is from the Planet Mongo, and was evicted for making derogatory comments about Ming the Merciless......... Witchkid
  • Score: 8

9:25pm Sat 30 Nov 13

Harold_Monk says...

another nut-job. love 'em!
another nut-job. love 'em! Harold_Monk
  • Score: 4

1:27pm Sun 1 Dec 13

C.Rodders.Jefferson says...

Palace lost, o well back to the drawing board..... again.

THAnk YoU
Palace lost, o well back to the drawing board..... again. THAnk YoU C.Rodders.Jefferson
  • Score: -7

11:27pm Tue 3 Dec 13

ISaidThis says...

Nice to know aliens take such an interest in the goings on in the Premiership. You'd think there are slightly more important things for them to pass on their wisdom about though, like Israel/Palestine or the Chinese governments recent actions in the East China Sea.

Alternatively this woman might be a bit mental.
Nice to know aliens take such an interest in the goings on in the Premiership. You'd think there are slightly more important things for them to pass on their wisdom about though, like Israel/Palestine or the Chinese governments recent actions in the East China Sea. Alternatively this woman might be a bit mental. ISaidThis
  • Score: 3

11:35am Wed 4 Dec 13

Gypo.Joe says...

"Alternatively this woman might be a bit mental."


BINGO !!
"Alternatively this woman might be a bit mental." BINGO !! Gypo.Joe
  • Score: -1

Comments are closed on this article.

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