Transport for London and Boris Johnson think building a tunnel and crossings is the best way to get people across the Thames. Wrong!

With a tunnel connecting the Greenwich peninsula with Silvertown already in the pipeline, TfL has announced plans for two new river crossings at Thamesmead and Belvedere. Boring!

This strategy is hardly inspiring, is it? And as Campaign for Better Transport points out, building road bridges is not the best value or most environmentally-friendly solution.

A couple of years ago we tried giving Boris and TfL a nudge in a more creative direction with some fresh and fun ideas for alternative Thames crossings that could move people a lot more, in more ways than one.

Sadly they didn’t heed our advice so again for their consideration, and yours, here are our five only very slightly tongue-in-cheek suggestions for different types of river transport.

Vote for your favourite in the poll below and also use the comments to share any better ideas of your own along with your views on what should actually be done to improve travel across the Thames.

A load of balls

Transparent plastic balls to be precise. A zorbing service would allow people to roll across the Thames in safe and dry orbs, and provide good exercise at the same time. The Mayor of London doesn’t seem to be against transport schemes being named in his honour, so this one could be called Boris’s Balls.

If little children can manage it with such minimal fuss, surely commuters could easily master it?

A giant zipwire

As his antics during the Olympics showed, Boris Johnson loves zipwires so he’s bound to be interested in this one. Similar to the cable car, people could be flown across the Thames on a wire. Environmentally friendly, with minimal construction required.

News Shopper: London Mayor Boris Johnson was left hanging in mid-air after he got stuck on a zipwire at an Olympic event at Victoria Park

A jet ski rental scheme

The cycle hire scheme, dubbed Boris Bikes, has proved popular since it launched in 2010. The scheme could be extended to the river, with jet skis instead of bicycles to speed commuters across the water.

News Shopper: A jetskiier

Going medieval

People could be flung across the river by catapult. A circus-style human cannonball device could achieve the same result. Travel time would be cut to a fraction of what it is now, with crash mats positioned along the banks to ensure passengers arrive safety. If suitable padding is applied, the London Eye could make a huge target to aim people at.

News Shopper: Volunteers at Corfe Castle get a lesson in how to fire the trebuchet from volunteer coordinator Pam White, left

Amphibious taxis

Instead of black cabs, what about black subs? The Lotus Esprit in James Bond movie The Spy Who Loved Me could provide the inspiration for a fleet of underwater vehicles. Going sarf or norf of the river will be a much quicker experience without being stuck on London’s congested roads.

News Shopper: The Lotus Esprit in submarine mode