A former science teacher, who naturally became a stand-up comedian whilst desperately trying to entertain her “rough and scary” teenage students, is coming to Bromley.

Biochemist Shazia Mirza survived her stint teaching “animals” to become an award-winning comedian and columnist, coming out with shocking one-liners which will make you spit your wine out.

The Birmingham-born British Asian jokes about her strict upbringing, and maintains no Muslim man will want to marry her now she’s dabbled in comedy and kissed a few white men on the 38 bus.

Fresh from a tour of the States, she promises oodles of observational gags about “stupid” Americans and how they just could not get over the fact she wasn’t Mexican.

Shazia told the News Shopper: “The kids I taught were very rough.

“At least in Bromley I don’t have to be worried the audience is going to stand up and stab me.

“Stand-up is easy after teaching these animals in the East End.

“It was scary – I was young and kids who were 16 looked about 25.

“I told them jokes but they didn’t get them.

“People who come to see me now want to get the best out of the situation.

“Lots of comedians used to be teachers and I can understand why.”

Shazia was touring Los Angeles and San Francisco during the Royal Wedding frenzy when Americans saw Kate Middleton as the quintessential English rose.

She added: “They all thought I was Mexican.

“They think it’s weird to see a brown woman with an English accent.

“I’d say I was from England and they’d say ‘where are you really from?’

“They asked me how I got my English accent and I’d answer ‘I’m English’ – it’s just stupid.”

News Shopper: Teacher-turned-comedian's tales of American stupidity coming to Bromley

Shazia fuses contemporary issues with her own personal experiences and takes great pleasure in taboo-breaking, deadpan gags.

She grabbed national attention after the September 11 attacks by performing in hijab dress opening with: "My name is Shazia Mirza.

“At least, that's what it says on my pilot's licence."

Her confidence was recognised with her first award at the London Comedy Festival, followed by featuring in The Observer’s top 50 funniest acts in British comedy in 2003.

Shazia is stepping up to the mic at Bromley Comedy Club on Saturday March 17.

Pleased to be back in her homeland, the plucky lady found it challenging conversing with yanks.

“When I was in LA I don’t think I had a proper conversation with anyone.” She continued.

“They say ‘I was like this and that and I was like what?’

“I had no idea what they were talking about.

“They have such a limited vocabulary.

“They don’t read the paper, just news about celebrities – they must think we are on another planet.”

Shazia will be joined by two other acts at the venue, situated downstairs in The Churchill Theatre.

Musical comedy act Jollyboat, made up of brothers Tom and Ed Croft from Liverpool, present wonderfully crafted songs tackling life's mysteries - from the realities of Pirate Radio to the Bible.

The award-winning duo are on after Sal Mondrian.

The show starts at 8pm and tickets are £12.50 or £10 for concessions.

For bookings visit wegottickets.com or reserve tickets and tables by emailing Mike Fox at mike@bromleycomedy.com