DECOR ** (needs a refurb) DRINK *** (cocktails but no ale) PRICE *** (could be worse) ATMOSPHERE *** (come during day to avoid chav contingent) STAFF ***** (fast, efficient and friendly) FOOD **** (a thumbs up)

IF THE thought of watching Big Willie and Babykins getting hitched on Friday makes you want to join an extremist protest, pelt eggs at an effigy of the Queen and long for the days when a guillotine slicing through the neck of a bourgeouis pig was the only royal event to attract a crowd, then, like me, you will be staggering to the bar as the happy couple walk down the aisle.

Scouting for a good watering hole to sulk in, where the bar is stocked with enough booze to alter my consciousness and cause sufficient brain damage to erase the memory of any wedding, royal or serf, I found myself at the unappetisingly named Slug and Lettuce in Bromley High Street.

Just a stone’s throw from the Bromley South station, this chain-owned boozer is a petri dish of chav and ladette activity on a Friday or Saturday night.

If you want to watch the Big Society in a furious binge drinking meltdown, make sure you get here nice and early to secure a front row seat.

However, pop in on a regular lunchtime during the working week and you’ll find the place bustling with suited office workers grabbing a bite to eat and a cheeky drink during their break.

Unlike other branches of this chain in more salubrious locations, the Slug in Bromley is well overdue for a snazzy refurbishment.

Bare as a bone, its gloomy brown walls have seen better days, with paint chipped or peeling in places.

And apart from the corporate looking armchairs, which are so low down in relation to the tables, sitting in one will give you a Napoleonic complex, there are very little cosy comforts here.

Nevertheless, the extensive food and drink menu, combined with enough BOGOF deals and happy hours to give the neighbouring Wetherspoons a run for its money, make the Slug worth a visit.

From sandwiches and salads to hearty pies and burgers, there’s grub on offer for every appetite and taste.

While punters on a Monday can take advantage of 50 per cent off the menu price and there’s a two for one deal on curries on a Tuesday, outside of those times you will have to shell out around a tenner for a main meal.

However, judging by the mouth-watering and surprisingly filling Morrocan salad (£7.75), Slug grub is worth the hefty price tag.

Ale lovers may grumble about the lack of their favourite tipple on tap, but the boozer makes up for it with a thirst quenching selection of long and short cocktails.

With the glorious sun smiling down on us in time for the 11-day holiday extravaganza, I decided to celebrate summer’s early arrival with a refreshing passion fruit mojito.

But to my disappointment, the bar was fresh out of mint, leaving me slightly crest fallen and ordering a large glass of pinot grigio (£3.85), before moving on to more familiar territory with a pint of Kronenbourg (£3.35).

Like most chain pubs, its a pretty soulless place and there are far more attractive options nearby.

However, pop by if you have time to kill before your next train or bus home.