Never has a pub been so badly named as the dark, dingy hole I had the misfortune to visit in Gravesend this week.

Believe me, there is nothing even faintly jolly about the Jolly Drayman. You could not walk into a more dreary and downcast pub. Even on a Saturday lunchtime the motley collection of regulars looked as if they’d lost a pound and found a penny.

For a change I chose a pint of Black Prince Porter and my drinking buddy played it safe with half a Stella. I added a packet of crisps to the order and was only charged a total of £4.10, so in fairness it isn’t pricy.

No-one was even slightly interested in talking to us so we made our own company and to save staring at our feet looked at the ceiling, where there was an interesting enough collection of beer mats.

To be frank it wasn’t the brightest day on Saturday but even so I doubt you will visit a darker, more dreary, pub.

But, then the whole place suddenly brightened up – did a light get switched on? No, I visited the gents. Superbly redecorated in sparkling white tiles, the toilets are an absolute delight. So much so I’d recommend drinking in there rather than the pub.

And compared to the main bar, the atmosphere in the loos is a good deal better, and I was in there on my own! The soap is fresh and fragranced and the towel was freshly laundered. Maybe it’s because the place is also a hotel, perhaps it has to have decent washrooms.

The music in the background hadn’t improved by the time I returned to the bar. The Music Marathon on Gold Channel 121 was now belting out Elton John. I noticed a sign over the bar which read ‘Danger – low beam’ and at this point seriously wondered if concussion might help.

But instead of trying to injure myself I took the alternative option and walked through an even darker area of the bar, noticing through the gloom that it was reserved for darts and then headed into the light of Gravesend.

 

 

 

The Jolly Drayman, Wellington Street, Gravesend

How it rated:

Decor * Would make the Black Hole of Calcutta look bright and lively

Atmosphere * Completely non existent

Staff ** Slightly more animated than the grumpy customers (maybe because it was her last shift)

Drink *** A reasonable choice on offer

Price *** Best thing about the place