“WHAT can I get you, love?”

“There you go, love?”

“Anything else, love?”

If you say a word too often, does it lose its meaning?

It possibly does, you know, because I’m not sure I was the barmaid’s love (and if I was, she was incredibly forward yet also betraying her linguistic message with her body language).

God, there I go again, criticising the thing I enjoyed most about a pub. Sorry, lady behind the bar, you rock. You were cheerful, welcoming and your vocal work to Adele on the radio made my evening.

The pub itself is clean, with a carpet that feels especially soft underfoot and springy bench seats than nearly catapulted me into the table.

Effort had been made with the floral displays, inside and out, and there’s a dart board, function room and pool table.

For no apparent reason, I found going for a drink at The Star and Garter akin to taking a fistful of barbiturates.

It could have been the fact it was deserted or it may have been down to the dated decor and dreary Magic soundtrack. It certainly wasn’t the barmaid, or the flowers.

Now, I love those lights which have candle bulbs and fake melted wax on, but in an ironic way. I’ve honestly not seen any since my dearly-departed nan’s bungalow, and had hoped they were buried with her.

Clearly, some love and attention has been paid to this pub – it just needs a bit of modernisation and a change of radio station.

The Star and Garter, Old Woolwich Road, Maze Hill SE10 9NY

How it rated:

Decor: ** Cared for, but dated

Drink: *** Decent range

Price: **** £4.20 for a Youngs and sparkling water

Atmosphere: * The decor and Magic bummed me out

Staff: **** Charming