WHY would you stick magazine cut-outs of topless women on the urinal wall?

Surely it is not the kind of place you want customers achieving arousal.

We’ll get to the odd decoration in the ladies’ loo later, but the point I’m trying to make is The Antigallican is an enigma.

Walking in, it felt like the Wild West. The locals were about my age, but obviously shared a set of hair clippers and a sportswear shop loyalty card, so I felt in mild peril.

Turns out I needn’t have because, despite a News Shopper colleague once being insulted while on his duties there, they turned out to be pleasant.

The Antigallican is cavernous inside and kitted out haphazardly – there are outdoor picnic tables, a fetching Jack Sparrow mural, an upturned boat in the bar area, a ship’s wheel on the wall, a pool table and a few TVs.

All the requisite elements were there, it was just not cohesive.

To describe a range of drinks would be too much – there were about four standard lagers and Strongbow. Soft drinks were strictly limited to coke or lemonade.

In choosing Budweiser I was reaching for the most exotic I could.

The price was in keeping with the pub’s theme too, as £3.20 felt like piracy given the shoddy choice.

Fortunately, The Antigallican redeemed itself with polite staff (who looked almost embarrassed by the meagre selection of beverages), plenty of games, a book exchange and some cracking tunes on the jukebox.

When I left a little while later, I found I’d actually had quite a good time, which I found as confusing as the men’s lavvy.

Oh, and the ladies toilet – a C***down chart, with Masterchef judges Greg and John at the summit. See, an enigma.

The Antigallican, 428 Woolwich Rd  London SE7 8SU

How it rated:

Decor** Peculiar

Drink * Dreadful range

Price ** Bad considering the choice

Atmosphere **** Good music, only superficially-intimidating locals

Staff *** Helpful enough given the shortage of resources