Stepping through the doors into The Victoria and Bull was a trippy experience – it seemed to get brighter when I went inside.

I actually had to check that I was indoors and not in some parallel universe.

To make things odder, it’s only this very central skylighted section that shines. A few feet away is positively dingy to the extent that reading the menu became tricky.

The Vic n Bull – as possibly no-one calls it – is a fascinating place in the sense that it is several conflicting things all at once.

On the one hand, there are heaps of rather lovely period features which give the building plenty of character. There are beams and old brickwork and a picturesque fireplace.

The building is grade II listed and was built in 1703. It is also apparently haunted.

No ghosts visited me while I was there but I did feel spooked by what it has become.

Far from making the most of its period features (as Kirsty Allsopp would likely encourage), the Vic n Bull works around them with games machines and some paintwork and furniture that is in need of a little bit of love.

The olde worldeness seems to somehow sit hand-in-hand with a sticky town centre spot complete with discounted syrupy shots and buckets of awful lagers or alcopops.

The staff were smart and welcoming but the fare they had to serve up was hardly inspiring.

The large central bar is well-filled with pumps and doubtless a boon on a busy evening, with punters able to queue on all sides for quick service.

There was just nothing I especially loved to drink – it was predominantly mass-produced, fizzy lagers.

Not that they cost much. If you were so inclined, you could pick up a Carling for £2.45, John Smiths £2.15 or VK (presumably straight from a wormhole back to the early 00s) for £2.30.

The food is uncomplicated but edible – it’s certainly no gastropub.

 

 

 

 

The Royal Victoria and Bull Hotel, High Street, Dartford

How it rated:

Decor *** Doesn’t make the most of beautiful features

Atmosphere **** Fairly pleasant during the day

Staff *** Nice

Drink ** Poor show

Food ** Nothing special

Price **** Pretty reasonable