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Back to school: Vibe's alternative top five for being top of the class
4:56pm Tuesday 27th August 2013 in Leisure latest news
IT SEEMS like they only started yesterday, but the summer holidays are nearly over. Vibe’s Oliver Rose takes a tongue-in-cheek look at how you can swot up and get yourself to the top of the class next term.
Swot move #1
Get your teacher a shiny red apple...
Yes, it’s a tasteful cliché (quite literally) but to cement your pinnacle position in the pride, delivery of this classic crunchy delight wouldn’t go amiss. The best part is, you can get one anywhere: from supermarkets to humbler origins; i.e. an apple tree (don’t steal).
If you can’t get hold of this fruity favourite, you might find your teacher is partial instead to other ‘uniform’ gifts as Belgian chocolate or perfumes.
Swot move #2
Sticky-back plastic your schoolbooks...
If you are truly in pursuit of aggravatingly perfectionist success with your schoolwork, then preserving the fruits of your academic labours is a must.
A pair of scissors and a roll of sticky-back are all you need to trim, stick and flaunt your try-hard persona.
Swot move #3
Correctly utilise your lunch-hour...
What is lunchtime? It’s a god-given period of time that exists purely for you to work through, so as to keep ahead of the lazy time-outs behind you and to take the school’s performance data by storm as you become not just the ultimate worker, but the ultimate results maker.
Swot move #4
Answer every question in class...EVERY QUESTION...
Shooting your hand to prove know-how (or indeed, know-all) is a fairly defining characteristic of the swot; and no one will steal your thunder if you make enough noise.
You can purchase learning resource answer buzzers for £14.95 from Amazon, which, shipped in batches of 4, give prospect to not only your own imminent accomplishments, but also to those of others.
The gift of classroom fame and prestige is not one to be sniffed at...
Swot move #5
Have the very best lunchbox...
Your lunchbox needs to be the greatest in the universe – of all-time.
It’s a spectacle that everyone will witness, one that will have people hopefully re-questioning the value and point of their sultry existences, especially if they have school dinners.
There will be lines of converters to the classic picnic-style midday fast, and influenced entirely by you.
And I don’t exaggerate either; with the Sistema Aqua Slimline Quaddie Lunchbox (Amazon, £4) you can sport the ‘simple-chic’ look and get all the arty attention from minimalist appreciators.
Alternatively, if construction is more your thing, you can rock the epic LEGO brick style luncheon container (also Amazon, £8.40).]
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