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Review: The Chequers, Bromley
It is time for this incarnation of PubSpy to hang up her pad and keep the bitchy comments forever to herself.
Having upset - and delighted - enough landlords for a lifetime, it is time to saddle up and gallop off to pastures new.
But before I trot into the sunset, I will leave you with this last tale.
My dear colleague and I were so hungry we could eat a horse – but sadly, there was none available at The Chequers in Bromley.
This cosy, barn-like pub is fresh out of pony, having sent their beef off to the lab to be analysed.
The busy barmaid was incredibly apologetic, but beef was firmly off the menu and I had to rethink my initial choice of sizzling enchiladas.
And despite the disappointment, it’s good to see The Chequers being open and honest about their grub.
Samples have come back negative for horsey, so 100 per cent cow will be available for us to graze on soon.
Instead, we went for the safe option of yummy chicken fajitas (£8.49).
And if you’re feeling particularly greedy, there’s an option to pay a couple of quid more to make your portion a giant one - tuck in fatties!
Low ceilings, wooden beams and bare brickwork give this place a warm, snug feel.
I could happily relax in here all day – especially if they lit the fire.
We were extremely impressed by the staff here.
The slightly flustered barmaid handled demanding old regulars, desperate for a top up, with a firm but fair tone.
“Of course you can have another Guinness,” she told one very thirst pensioner.
“But let me serve this lovely lady (me, of course) first.”
Deceptively spacious, the pub became very busy at lunch time with a wake being held in one room, regulars waiting for Guinness and IPA at the bar and families sitting down to eat.
Seeing the mourning family reminiscing about their lost loved one got me and my friend talking about our own dearly missed relatives.
And although it’s lovely to remember all the wonderful things they said and did for us, sometimes it leaves you feeling a little bit tender.
So when I spotted a four-year-old girl fall off her seat, I was grateful for the light relief.
However sad it is to say goodbye to someone close, or something (like a job), we must remember life goes on - never forget to laugh at it.
And if it sometimes drives you to drink, The Chequers offers the perfect surroundings.
They also boast an incredibly stunning waitress who, with her tall and slender physique and striking dark locks, should probably be a model instead of a panicked barmaid covered in cappuccino froth.
There’s plenty going on here too, with quiz nights and music gigs in the diary.
Keep up with upcoming events on their Facebook page at Facebook.com/TheChequersBromley
Address: The Chequers, 177 Southborough Lane, Bromley, BR2 8AP
Decor *** (low ceilings, warm and cosy)
Drink *** (loads of beers and wines to choose from)
Price *** (a little expensive but worth it)
Food *** (satisfying comfort food)
Atmosphere *** (very welcoming, buzzing at lunch time)