PubSpy awards the Golden Pint and Grotty Toilet Awards for 2012

It has been a colourful year for PubSpy, full of ups, downs, vomitous smells and glorious booze.

To celebrate the end of 2012, we are proposing a toast to all the bars, taverns and pubs in News Shopper Land – and handing out some well deserved awards.

The Golden Pint

In a remarkable turn of events, last year’s Grotty Toilet Award-winner has utterly transformed itself.

From being described as a “thoroughly depressing dive” with a “hellish atmosphere”, The Northbrook (now The Lord Northbrook) in Lee has miraculously become 2012’s Golden Pint Award recipient.

Long forgotten is the “general stench of death and decay”, and in its place reign extremely comfy chairs, a stylish paintjob – which even matches the napkins – and fresh flowers.

This pauper has become a gorgeous prince – he has improved so vastly the owners have given him a much deserved lordship.

Stepping inside, I instantly relaxed and left the day’s stress at the doorstep.

Hanging out here is extremely luxurious, rather like taking advantage of someone else’s posh house.

When I say the barman doubles as a cleaner, it may not arouse thoughts of grandeur – but stay with me.

The very smart-looking, apron-clad young man stepped out from behind the bar and went about dusting the antique-style picture frames with his pink feather duster.

Stifling a giggle, I felt as if I’d walked into a camp period drama.

Obviously very comfortable with his own masculinity, this superb servant would slot perfectly into any lord’s manor – how smug Lord Northbrook must feel with his appointment.

As with any upscale establishment, the drinks menu surpasses that of the common boozer.

A range of well kept ales from small local breweries are always available along with an extensive wine list which would embarrass many fine dining restaurants.

So, for its magical refurbishment, excellent service and beautiful decor, this upmarket pub gets PubSpy’s seal of approval.

The Lord Northbrook, 116 Burnt Ash Road, Lee, SE12 8PU

The Grotty Toilet

Given the high number of tacky, smelly and foul joints the PubSpy frequents, it speaks volumes when the Grotty Toilet Award is appointed instantly without consideration.

TP’s Sports Bar and Cafe in Bromley is without doubt the crappiest pub I’ve forced myself to drink in this year.

Instantly, this place felt intimidating.

It genuinely looks like a juvenile prison’s recreation hall, complete with pool table.

Our barmaid, whose belly was out for all to see, handed me a plastic thimble-like cup of pop which I felt I’d been awarded for good behaviour.

I must have looked like the violent one out of me and my fiancé as he was trusted with an actual glass.

We chose a high table and pulled up a couple of hefty stools but conversation was tough over the booming sounds of Tinie Tempah.

I cannot believe he did this to me, but my partner left me on my own to go to the toilet.

Trying to avoid making eye contact with anyone, my gaze drifted over to the bar again where a real-life soft porn drama was playing out.

Obviously bored of working, one of the barmaids was kissing the face off her colleague as he grabbed her waist and pulled her closer.

I suddenly felt very awkward and turned my attention to another barman chatting on his mobile phone.

I can only describe the sinks in the women’s loos as raised urinals – TP’s was the only choice for 2012’s Grotty Toilet Award, congratulations.

TP's Sports Bar & Cafe, 196-198 High Street, Bromley, BR1 1HE

Worst Beer Garden

There’s no better place to be in the summer, than relaxing in a gorgeous beer garden with a frosty cold pint.

But it’s impossible to relax when you’re staring at an absolute bombsite.

My friend and I had chosen to sit outside at The Gipsy Hill Tavern in Gipsy Hill, when we came face to face with a disaster zone of madness.

Either a squiffy punter who fancies himself a builder, or maybe Irish landlord Frank, had vowed to transform the garden into a tropical paradise when they were utterly wasted.

With exotic trees, piles of firewood, work-in-progress signs, barriers and benches all stacked high in a chaotic mess, it is probably safe to say this project has been abandoned.

Or maybe no-one has been sober long enough to finish it.

Other than the calamity region, there are plenty of big benches in the garden and the lovely, down-to-earth landlady came and turned on all the pretty outdoor lights when it got dark.

But despite these nice touches, the award for Worst Beer Garden goes to The Gipsy Hill Tavern, the hands down winner.

The Gipsy Hill Tavern, 79 Gipsy Hill Road, Gipsy Hill, SE19 1QH

Best Beer Garden

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, in my experience pubs by railway stations are usually functional at best and fight arenas at worst.

Well, The Railway in Blackheath is definitely on the other side of the track – this is a funky, fantastic, fresh and fruity boozer that has a great deal to offer.

I ordered food and moved past the assorted bamboo and olive trees to take a seat outside.

Wow, what a revelation – a superb and comfortable outside area which hasn’t been turned over to the cancer crew.

Unashamedly, The Railway has designated this a pleasant outside space in which smokers are most definitely not welcome and it is made clear.

To be fair there is another perfectly pleasant and interesting space upstairs where people are invited to go and kill themselves.

Surrounding this outside area are the most colourful and vibrant murals – another hidden delight you wouldn’t be aware of unless you visit.

I did take a peek at the upstairs smoking area and it’s good too, plus there’s another amazing painting on a full-height wall.

These brilliant, eye-catching and edgy pictures earned The Railway PubSpy’s Best Beer Garden Award 2012.

16 Blackheath Village, London, SE3 9LE