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Review: Goose on the Green, Catford
With Halloween around the corner I’d been considering what freakish ghoul to go as this year.
Should I be a zombie clown, a corpse bride or follow suit with the sluts and become a dead sexy nurse for the evening?
This crucial question was coursing through my mind, spinning a spider’s web of confusion across my brain as I walked into the Goose on the Green in Catford.
And the bone chilling theme continued within.
The cheap and tacky decorations behind the bar, along with the carb-laden, rather unhealthy pub grub menu gave me the sense I was in for a trick rather than a treat.
My delayed friend texted me, asking for a cheeky glass of “nice” white wine, so I ordered the Sauvignon Blanc – the most expensive out of four choices.
“We don’t have it.” The barmaid told me straight away.
Frasier Crane would have been disgusted.
Instead I picked out the Chardonnay (£4.15 for a large glass) for him and, forced to stay sober, went for a soft drink for myself.
Moving past the fruit machines, football-playing TV screens and rather drab furniture we noticed how much of an old man’s paradise this place is.
In fact, I’m sure we were the only people in there under 60-years-old and it was rammed for a Wednesday lunch time.
Beige coats galore, along with bed hair which made the Halloween decorations look like child’s play, these old timers have found the perfect place to hang out with like-minded people and enjoy countless afternoon pints.
“They’re all pickled, and you’re causing quite a stir.” My eagle-eyed companion observed.
“I think it’s your youth that’s done it.”
Studying the menu, desperately searching for something green or maybe a soup, my only option was the chicken and bacon salad – not exactly a dieter’s dream dish.
“I can’t believe you’ve brought me to a place with no soup.” My friend quipped.
But in all seriousness, I was a little gutted.
I expect the retired ale lovers aren’t so bothered about counting calories anymore.
Choosing the lasagne from the two meals for £6.45 list, my colleague ensured our date was a cheap one – I like this money saving aspect of the Goose.
Waiting for the barmaid to serve one of her familiar regulars, it was impossible not to eavesdrop on their conversation.
I was sad to hear she’d fallen out with her mother and was steering well clear of her – but impressed at how open, honest and friendly she is with the drinkers.
It must be quite strange when your closest confidants are a huge group of slightly squiffy male pensioners.
The food was alright, nothing special to write home about but what do you expect for just over £3 each?
Looking up, I was mightily surprised and impressed by the spacious pub’s enormously grand, ornate white ceiling.
It’s a shame the most interesting thing in there will hurt your neck to look at, but if you want to see something pretty and painless, check out the gorgeous wine-sipping models on the bar’s website.
The regulars look somewhat different in real life.
Address: Goose on the Green, 167 Rushey Green, Catford, SE6 4BD
Decor ** (rough and a little sticky)
Drink *** (not many wines to choose from but lots of lager)
Price **** (kind to the wallet)
Food *** (average)
Atmosphere *** (old man’s haven)
Staff *** (friendly and familiar with the locals)