Bridge House Tavern, High Street, Penge

Drink 3/5 Decor 4/5 Price 2/5 Food 5/5 Atmosphere 2/5 Staff 3/5

These are no ordinary sausages. These are wild boar and apple sausages with a side of spring onion mash, braised red cabbage and drizzled with red wine gravy. This no ordinary pub, this is the Bridge House Tavern, High Street, Penge.

And this is where my dilemma begins because I've been sat down all of, oh, three seconds, and I realise the Bridge House isn't much of a pub at all.

It's not even a gastro pub, more of a restaurant with a bar. The evidence? It's clearly food orientated and around 90 per cent of tonight's clientele (couples, well-to-do types and me) have come to eat.

Secondly, it runs Yummy Mummy Mornings(!).

And finally, it's far too pricey to have a good drinking session in. My pint of Special set me back £3 and my luxury sausage and mash - delicious and beautifully-presented as it was, almost broke the bank at £9.75 (served by a rushed waitress who threw my cutlery bucket down on the table).

Not the sort of price tags you expect to be met with in Penge, really. It's like Dulwich is spreading.

Its popularity, even midweek, is a clear sign more finer-style pubs could crop up in the area.

The modern decor of chandeliers and flock wallpaper will tell you it isn't my usual sort of haunt, but it couldn't be any worse than the old Bridge House prior this posh-nosh make-over.

Anyone unfortunate to have known it then will vouch for that.

Despite feeling like a lager lout at a wine tasting evening, I enjoyed my refreshing and clean-tasting pint of Young's Special, served by a friendly barman.

Shame there's a wider choice of cocktails - Bellini anyone? - than ales. The alternative choice was IPA or a glut of continental lagers such as Becks Vier, Hoegarden (a cool £4.50 a pint) and Staropramen.

I'll be having words with my bank manager before I venture back but least when you cross the Bridge, you, unlike me, will know what's on the other side.

Lullingstone Castle, High Street, Swanley

Drink 3/5 Decor 2/5 Price 5/5 Atmosphere 1/5 Staff 3/5

Sometimes I get spoiled in this job and get to have really enjoyable evenings in great pubs.

Other times I just have evenings in pubs. Sadly, although there was nothing majorly wrong with the Lullingstone Castle, this week's boozer was more of the latter than the former.

Usually I can get a nicely-poured pint of IPA at Greene King establishments but this was sadly lacking, with little evidence of any beer pumps.

I spied Abbots Ale in bottles but the two are, in my mind, far superior on draught.

My pint of Ruddles bitter was the best of a mostly lager dominated selection of on-tap drinks and was nicely chilled and refreshing on my first sip. I also cannot fault it for the price, an absolute bargain at £1.70.

It is definitely the cheapest pint I have bought for many a moon.

Sitting on a stool, slightly removed from the bar, gave me a chance to look around at the fairly shabby and worn interior. The locals no doubt view it as charming but I would like to see it done up a little.

A lick of paint would do it a world of good and might even get the regulars talking. Seriously . . . it is the quietest pub I have been to for ages.

I could vaguely hear the horse racing on the television and there was music coming out of the speakers but it was very soft.

People were sitting next to each other on stools but, aside from a woman who seemed to have stopped off with her children on their way home from school, they were hardly talking.

A little bit of chatter would bring a better atmosphere to the place and a wider beer selection on tap might bring me back.

Both of these things would help it find its way out of mediocrity.

Bull’s Head , Pratts Bottom

Drink 5/5 Decor 4/5 Price 4/5 Food 4/5 Atmosphere 4/5 Staff 5/5

My list of pubs to spy is almost as long as my bar bill on a night out. No doubt there are some boozers wondering if they will ever be visited.

I heard this was the case in Pratts Bottom with some of the villagers keen to know what I thought of the Bull's Head.

It has been on my list for years but something always seemed to crop up which stopped me from going there, Until now.

On the approach, I was struck by how beautifully old world it looked. Some of it is probably exactly the same as when famous highwayman Dick Turpin supposedly visited the pub in the 1730s.

But on the inside my eyes were immediately drawn to the four pumps serving real ales on the front bar area. From the choices of Shepherd Neame Spitfire, McMullen Country Bitter, Courage Best and a Deuchars one (IPA, I believe) I opted for the first two.

Both were in good condition with the Country being my favourite on the night. I wish I could have stayed longer to sample the other two.

There is not enough space in the Leisure section for me to fully describe the range of food on offer. There was a mixture of pub grub and more inventive dishes.

My tagliatelle in a wine and mushroom sauce was beautifully cooked and I was appreciative of how many times staff checked everything was okay.

This seems to be the heart - or maybe the brain -of the Bull's Head. The staff go out of their way to make sure everyone enjoys themselves.

Events like Morris dancing, golf days, live music, barbecues, jam nights and quiz evenings make it a community meeting place rather than just another pub.

Pheasant, Northumberland Heath

Drink 3/5 Decor 3/5 Price 3/5 Atmosphere 2/5 Staff 4/5

I HAVE not really talked about health and safety via my column before but I feel it is necessary after spotting a fire exit sign in The Pheasant's beer garden.

As the first proper pub garden of the summer, it had grass, swings, tables with parasols and even something resembling a deflated bouncy castle.

Now, I'm not that healthy and I'm certainly not that safe, but I cannot help but wonder what bit of government legislation means they have to put the sign up.

I didn't consider my pint a fire risk. Is the sign there because the Government thinks my drink will spontaneously combust?

All joking aside, I am disappointed they had no real ale on tap during my visit.

They did have Tayto crisps, however, easily the best name for a potato product.

The Irish snack is supposedly made at Tayto Castle and I would like to think the place is made out of potatoes rather than just being a factory.

I would say the barmaids were pretty - especially the second one - but I do not want to be accused of writing another lecherous review'.

Cautious to take such a risk, I will settle on saying they were friendly and softened the blow of the Best not being available.

The Pheasant offers roast dinners on Sundays and occasional band nights which are found in boozers up and down the land.

The Farmhouse, Mottingham

Drink 1/5 Decor 3/5 Price 1/5 Atmosphere 5/5 Staff 5/5

THERE'S a well-established rumour going round stating Glastonbury's Michael Eavis has no cows on Worthy Farm. I don't know whether this is true but I can confirm there are no cows at The Farmhouse.

There are no fields or anything remotely farm or country-like - just a pub within a Mottingham estate full of homes. It is less farmhouse, more shared house.

Not many people were in the boozer when I visited and none of them were people I knew.

But, just as if they were a housemate's friends in a shared house, they were very friendly.

This friendliness was more than sharing their prawn crackers from a Chinese takeaway. It was a place where they say you all right, fella' and they mean it rather than it being an invite for a fight.

Framed on the walls were pictures of even more random people.

Most of these seemed fairly drunken at a Halloween fancy dress party. Whenever they were taken does not matter because it made me think of a Facebook for the 20th century, when people used to look at actual photographs rather than digital albums (don't forget you can befriend PubSpy on Facebook now.) All this friendliness aside, I would have been happier in a pub with ales and bitters. I had to have Carling and Stella Artois, as no ales seemed available.

I'd also have been happier in a boozer with 20th-century prices.

Is it just me or is £2.95 for a pint of Carling a tad pricey? Stella is marketed as being reassuringly expensive' but at £3.10 I wanted a cherry on top.

No cherries were served at press time which must help keep costs down a little. I just hope they can introduce some real ales on tap and cheaper prices for drinks.

The Yacht , Crane Street, Greenwich

Drink 3/5 Decor 4/5 Price 3/5 Atmosphere 3/5 Food 3/5 Staff 4/5

There are some things in life you just do not want to do - for me revisiting The Yacht was one of them. In August 2000 I described it as being worse than hell and I was worried nothing would have changed.

I would have liked to be able to say something like "it is no longer hell, it is purgatory" but I am not that clever and it has improved far too much for me to start mentioning any religious imagery.

It has a nautical theme without this becoming overwhelming and boasts huge windows overlooking the Thames.

The only problem with the view - which is heavily marketed on the outside of the boozer to draw people in - is there is not all that much to see. There is the O2, a few factory type places, flats, which were undoubtedly horribly overpriced, and the tops of Canary Wharf skyscrapers.

Another slight let down was the so-called specials menu. The choices were less than special and seemed to be mostly just bigger versions of items on the normal menu like the burger with cheese and bacon for £8.25 compared to the special menu one which adds sausage, fried egg and mushrooms for an extra £1.25.

The most important thing for me was not the beers - which were all quite nice - although the London Pride was a touch too cold for my liking - but the pleasing attitude of staff which had changed a great deal since 2000.

The two women working on my recent visit were both friendly, shared jokes when I did not know what I was supposed to be laughing at and seemed happy.

It is their happy-go-lucky attitude I will remember as being what has stopped The Yacht from being hellish.

Wickham Arms, Brockley

Drink 1/5 Decor 3/5 Price 3/5 Atmosphere 3/5 Staff 5/5

IF ONLY my pint of Pride had been as good looking as the barstaff and clientele at The Wickham Arms, Upper Brockley Road, Brockley, I could have really fallen for The Wickham Arms.

The barmaid reminded me of a cross between pop singer Duffy and Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music.

If I had been around 30 years younger I might have engaged the barmaid in a longer conversation than "a pint of Pride, please".

But as I said, it is a shame I did order the Pride because I was far from impressed with it and I certainly would not have been proud if I had served it.

There was an almost chemical and slightly harsh taste against the throat when it should have been a lot smoother.

I suspect this was down to the pumps not being thoroughly rinsed out which is a shame because Pride is usually so much nicer, a real favourite of mine in fact.

Adnams bitter was slightly better but still not one I would have in there again unless it was significantly improved.

It tasted almost stale and had a strange smell to it similar to when you open a fridge and cannot identify exactly what has gone bad.

So, the women were prettier than I am used to but the pub was severely let down by the beers - which, despite all the other bonuses, is what I go to pubs for.

Hardy's, Trafalgar Road, Maze Hill

Drink 5/5 Decor 4/5 Price 3/5 Atmosphere 4/5 Staff 3/5

IF MY star ratings were replaced with film-style taglines I would describe Hardy's as Ireland with a touch of Casablanca.

Two ceiling fans gave it a feeling of being in an American black and white movie while the rest of the decor could have been lifted straight out of Ireland.

Obviously, as is always the case, there was the seemingly-obligatory Guinness paraphernalia.

I also detected a bonafide Irish accent and to blend both together I would have said play it again Sam' - but there was no music and I don't know if the owner was called Sam.

What I do know is the drinks are well kept and served nicely - even my initial pint of Budweiser.

My views on the real ale/bitter etc versus lager debate still stand - and these views are especially true with American lager.

But I was misheard when ordering and I could not be bothered to correct the barmaid.

To be honest with you, the Bud was surprisingly pleasant. It was very refreshing and did its job of cooling me down.

Moving on to drinks I would actually choose myself I found Hancocks HB on tap.

It is a beer I got to know several years ago through friends who used to live in Wales. It is not that widely available in England.

This is a shame because when it is kept properly, as it is at the boozer in Trafalgar Road, it is an extremely nice drop.

It was quite malty and fruity but hoppy at the same time.

I definitely recommend you trying some and, if all else fails, asking the owner of your local to stock it.

All in all it is worth the trip to Maze Hill.

The Windmill, Gravesend

Drink 4/5 Decor 2/5 Price 3/5 Atmosphere 3/5 Staff 3/5

EXPERTS on home makeover shows advise people to transform their properties by putting up vibrant wallpaper and clearly defining rooms. Sell-your-house-quick programmes advise homeowners to make their lives neutral by painting everything white/off-white/magnolia.

I wonder what the so-called experts would think of the decor in The Windmill, Shrubbery Road, Gravesend. It has the clearly defined rooms with two separate bar areas. One with men relaxing and watching horse racing and a larger one which was less busy when I visited. The walls were also fairly neutral with characteristic dark wooden beams.

In this way it looked very much like a traditional village boozer which just happened to find itself in the centre of town.

This is all fine but I must question who chose some of the fabrics. They would have been torn out if business makeover shows existed. The curtains near my seat were a strange, drab paisley and this material was repeated on some of the seats.

Both should be replaced to give the place a big lift and brighten it up, as the fairy lights were trying to do around the optics.

But, ugly chairs aside, the barmaid was pleasant and she poured me a good pint of Master Brew, an ale I do not see in pubs as often as I used to so it was nice to be able to choose it.

With a little makeover, The Windmill could be transformed into the quintessential and stylish village pub it wants to be.

Red Lion, Bromley

Drink 4/5 Decor 4/5 Food 4/5 Price 4/5 Atmosphere 3/5 Staff 4/5

I HAVE received a lot of criticism recently about my column from miserable people saying they are too positive. Surely, most people would prefer to be in a good pub rather than a bad one?

I never know what I'm going to get until I am in a place and then I can only report my experience. What's wrong with the fact I have enjoyed the last few missions, or at least liked them enough to not slag them off?

That being said, I'm always happy to receive suggestions of pubs good or bad to visit.

It has been a while since I was last in the Red Lion, North Road, Bromley (yes, I do occasionally revisit pubs) and it was nice to be back.

I'm pleased to say the landlord is still keeping his beers nicely. Camra agrees with me and there are several awards from the organisation framed on the wall.

However, I'm not so pleased to report the locals seem to be shunning his efforts. Behind the bar there were several - around eight - guest ales on a list for April.

But when I enquired which ones I could sample during my visit I was told none because apparently they don't sell.

Come on, people. You should embrace new ales as if they are the hottest girl in your school not treat them like a leper.

Two drinkers were talking about brewing their own stuff so I do think there could be takers for the guest ales.

I hope the locals don't let me down because the Red Lion is a really nice place which could be even better with more beers on the pumps.

Deptford Arms, Deptford

Drink 3/5 Decor 3/5 Price 2/5 Atmosphere 3/5 Staff 4/5

PEOPLE sometimes ask me how I can get a full flavour of a pub by visiting it once and having just a few drinks over an hour or two. They seem to think I might miss some essential part of the experience. But, I have found, this is not usually the case. A bad pub will be the same at 10.30am on a Wednesday as it is at 9.45pm on a Saturday.

The same applies to nice boozers - they will be great places to visit when almost empty and when completely packed.

However, in the case of the Deptford Arms, I think it makes a concerted effort to be different on Fridays and Saturdays than it is the rest of the week.

I saw many signs suggesting it could be a good place for a young clientele at weekends.

Before even stepping through the door I spied posters on the windows advertising bands who would be playing there. There was also a notice above the bar saying artists could display works on Friday and Saturday nights.

Lager fans would also be pleased with the wide selection including Staropramen and Red Stripe.

Candles in bottles and nightlights dotted around the place were, I guess, an attempt to add to this laid back arty vibe. But the place was too well lit from the electric lights when I visited for the flickering flames to give any real sense of being kooky or gothic. They reminded me more of being in a French bistro.

A games console was available for anyone who wanted to play alongside a quiz machine which reminded me more of a boozer rather than bistro. Board games were also available for anyone who prefers their entertainment less electronic.

But I do question why the jigsaw puzzles were there. Most of the ones I saw had a thousand pieces - does anyone really stay in the Deptford High Street pub long enough to complete them?

All these little touches are welcome attempts - especially the cool jukebox - to make the pub a little out of the ordinary. I just wish the out of the ordinary had been all week.

The Barge Pole, Thamesmead

Drink 3/5 Outside decor 0/5 Inside decor 4/5 Price 4/5 Atmosphere 3/5 Staff 3/5

I FREELY admit I am a very superficial person and assess people on their looks before getting to know their personality. This close-minded attitude extends to books which I obviously always judge by the cover. If I had applied my usual rules to the Barge Pole in Thamesmead then I would not have touched it with one and just walked on by.

From the outside it looks very unappealing with bars on the windows and a paint job which has seen much better days. But our photographer had already taken the picture of the pub so I was compelled to walk past the horse grazing on the grass nearby and pay it a visit.

I'm pleased to say that, for once, my prejudice was unfounded. The ugly exterior finished at the front door and the interior was rather nice and clean. Its curved ceiling reminded me of a barge's upturned hull and some seats surrounding two pillars served to reinforce the nautical theme.

There were also strong links to sport with football memorabilia from Charlton, England, Spurs and Chelsea adorning the walls and the dartboard looked like it would be well used on busy nights.

It is also the first pub I have been to for ages which has a happy hour. I do not know if I was drinking during that time but everyone seemed happy and the booze was fairly cheap at around £2.10 per pint.

There were no binge drinkers - which the Government claims are bred by happy hour promotions - just a bunch of friendly people who also had dared to go beyond the shabby exterior.

I learned an important lesson about not judging by appearances at the Barge Pole and you could too if you find yourself in the area.

The Sun, Swanscombe Street, Swanscombe

Drink 3/5 Decor 3/5 Price 3/5 Atmosphere 2/5 Staff 3/5

INSPIRED by my friend's shenanigans last week, I am trying to do something a bit different every day. I did not manage it when I visited The Sun in Swanscombe. If only I had gone along on a Sunday.

There were several posters on the walls advertising karaoke nights and similar events, but the one which caught my eye was promoting Sunday lunch to take away.

As long-time readers will know, I have been to several boozers over the years where they will order Chinese or Indian food in for you.

I have been to others where they will give you fish and chips or let you bring your own food.

But the take-away roast is a new one for me and, I must admit, I am interested to know whether it works.

Sunday lunch is something I like very much at home and I enjoy the meal even more accompanied by a few pints in a pub.

But these are separate events for me, and if I go to a pub for food, I stay there rather than wanting to take it home.

Agreed, the take-away option made the establishment on Swanscombe Street slightly different than your average watering hole.

But it did not seem to be very different on the remaining six days of the week.

It had the traditional dark wood furniture and bar staff who seemed to know their regulars as if they were old friends.

This did not leave too much for a grockle like me and I was left feeling like an outsider.

Hopefully some of you will be able to rectify this by becoming a fan of me on Facebook.

Yes, I'm getting with the times - well, one of the young reporters has set it up for me.

I do not really understand this social networking business. Just search Pub Spy and it should come up. I can be FaceSpy now too.

Two Brewers, Lowfield Street , Dartford

Drink 5/5 Decor 5/5 Price 3/5 Atmosphere 4/5 Staff 3/5

I OFTEN receive letters from readers suggesting pubs to visit and quite a few are in the Dartford area. Normally I just add these to my long list and forget' they are there. This is because, I am not the world's biggest Dartford fan and find it a little depressing.

But after my recent experience at the Two Brewers I am willing to reconsider.

The phrase mind your head' could have been invented for the boozer in Lowfield Street because there were a lot of beams you had to duck when walking about.

It was a head-bump mission to get from the bar to a seat or the toilets but some of the beams had amusing messages written on them so it was more a bit of fun than a chore.

Everything in the pub seemed to contribute to the overall old worldy character.

However it had well thought out modern touches such as nice leather furniture and a big television mounted on the wall for sports.

It is unclear how much the builders knew about how sound carries when the pub was built years ago but it was pleasing the dance music playing near the pool table could hardly be heard in the television area.

Usually any chance of a chat is drowned out by the television commentary.

The other pleasing thing was to see Ruddles on tap. In this world in which pubs are looking to sell increasingly exotic lagers it is nice to see a place where someone has thought of people like me.

Despite not seeing it on tap for longer than I care to remember, I was delighted to find it still tasted great.

The North Kent reporters tell me plans are afoot to redevelop Lowfield Street.

As I have not seen the details it's hard to comment, but I have to plead the Two Brewers remains untouched.

It is the best pub I have been to in Dartford.

The Charlotte, Station Road, Crayford

Drink 5/5 Decor 3/5 Price 3/5 Atmosphere 2/5 Staff 3/5

KNOCK knock? Who's ... Sorry, that's the wrong joke. The correct joke for The Charlotte, Crayford, should be How many bar staff does it take to remove a pub's lunchtime menu?' Unfortunately I do not know the answer because when I arrived, some several hours after food had stopped being served, it was still there on a stand near the entrance.

It said light bites rather than lunch on the top of the menu, so I thought I could still sample dishes including sausage and mash and shepherd's pie.

But this was not the case and it turns out you can only eat dinner at the pub in Station Road from 7pm on Thursdays to Sundays. Lunch had stopped at 3pm, so I do not know why the staff did not put the menu back into storage until the next morning.

Maybe it was to tempt me back, but it backfired and only disappointed me.

Thankfully they pay more attention to the beer.

Landlord bitter and Spitfire were both on tap and there were a wide variety of lagers.

The Shepherd Neame was one of nicest pints I have had for quite some time, tasting clean and fresh rather than murky

Unfortunately, I only had enough time to hang around for one pint so chose the Shepherd Neame rather than sampling both. But it was one of the nicest pints I have had for quite some time, tasting clean and fresh rather than murky so hopefully they keep the Timothy Taylor tipple as nicely.

Being so close to the station, it is worth hopping off the train to try it but only if you are prepared for the brightness.

All the plump sofas and light wood are the sort of modern touches which appeal to home makeover show presenters. If only they could take the lunch menu down after food time.

Bugle Horn, The Village, Charlton

Drink 3/5 Decor 3/5 Price 3/5 Atmosphere 3/5 Staff 4/5

EVER since my recent visit to the Rose of Denmark, I expect every pub to have a fancy mirror in the toilets - especially those in Charlton.

But this was not the case when I went to The Bugle Horn, The Village, Charlton.

The gent's was very clean but there was nothing fancy in the mirror, so I got back to the bar for a pint.

I was pleased to see quite a few ales on offer and chose a pint of Adnams Broadside which was a little too warm for my palate but otherwise tasted like it should.

Sitting by the bar reading the paper gave me the chance to enjoy the banter of some of the other drinkers, which was the best banter I had heard for a long time.

My favourite comment, easily the best from any pubgoer for years, was from a man who sat on his own but shouted to his friends at nearby tables.

After joking that one of his friends looked like he was in the SAS they asked why he had not enlisted.

His amazing reply was that he was going to enlist but is now looking for a girlfriend in Woolwich. He also sang random bursts of the tracks playing on the radio.

It is overhearing these kind of gems which makes trawling the backstreets of Shopperland, for overlooked pubs worthwhile.

Appearance-wise the pub was a bit ramshackle reminding me of a mock-Tudor building but the lettering on one of the signs as I approached the Bugle reminded me of the Wild West and the gold rush.

But the staff were friendly and I get the impression it comes alive more on matchdays when it is probably less of a local pub for local people and more a watering hole for football fans.