Get involved: Send pictures, video, news and views - text NEWS SHOPPER to 80360 or email us
Explosive entertainment with comics Ian Cognito and Sean Hughes at Bromley Comedy Club
When Ian Cognito walked on stage with a guitar slung around his neck, I thought we were in store for some musical comedy.
What followed instead, however, was an onslaught of dry, hysterical opinions to the tune of an immeasurable number of swearwords at Bromley Comedy Club.
Never before has f*** been used so effectively to emphasise a point.
Vulgar and aggressive men aren’t usually the ones who have women hanging off their every word but I was hooked.
Listening to his mad rants was like riding a hilarious rollercoaster – high-energy, sometimes scary and I was laughing frantically the whole way.
Apparently he’s been banned from a good few comedy clubs, but I can’t understand how anyone could have a go at him with a straight face.
This booze hound had the whole place roaring with his gag about contradictory teetotal celebrities who advertise alcohol.
He described how Peter Kay never touches John Smith’s after going sober despite advertising the bitter and how he’s never seen “that fat b****** Johnny Vegas drink a cup of tea.”
After shocking us with his views on terrorism, and praising the July bombers for choosing the date 7/7 so the Americans “couldn’t f***it up”, Cognito told us about one Belfast gig no-one came to after one reviewer called him explosive.
Line after line, the rammed venue was going crazy for this blunt comic – apart from the hammered guy sat next to us who had actually fallen asleep.
And if he can sleep through Cognito’s bellowing shouts and curses, there’s no chance he’d wake up for an earthquake.
At one point I began to feel a little sorry for our opening act.
He described how his wife said she was leaving him – only to reduce us to tears of laughter again when he said he couldn’t take her seriously because a bogey had been hanging from her nose the whole time.
A few rather non-PC comments later, including how he realised he was old because the US president was “blacker” than him, the unpredictable set came to an end.
There was only time enough for him to look at his redundant guitar and say: “I’m always buying stuff I don’t need – I don’t even know how to play whatever the f*** this is.”
Our cheeky compere for the evening Tania Edwards kept everyone in a good mood with awkward dinner party tales, and soon it was time for the headliner everyone was waiting for.
Sean Hughes, famous for Never Mind The Buzzcocks and Sean’s Show, had attracted a full house to the intimate venue and the atmosphere was buzzing.
The charismatic Irishman talked about being so stoned he thought the subtitles on television were there for karaoke purposes.
He’d also once suggested the sign language man in the corner of the screen should be nominated for an Oscar.
But with such a packed, rowdy audience, I felt Hughes struggled to get much of his set out in the open.
He engaged with his fans rather than performing a routine, showing of his comedy prowess at best by answering heckles with perfectly timed one-liners.
There was one point where he started to tell us all about the trials and tribulations of getting older, but instead had to tell one overly chatty fan that she wasn’t at a speed-dating night.
Hopefully I’ll catch him next time round and find out how the joke ends.
Be sure to catch headliner Scott Capurro at the club (downstairs at The Churchill Theatre) this Saturday night.
For more information visit bromleycomedy.com