Drink *** (steady yourself for the generous spirit measures) Price *** (good value) Atmosphere ***** (bursting with life) Staff ***** (friendly, charming and eccentric)

WHAT do you do with a drunken sailor? Don’t let him sing for a start. But at the Star and Garter singing like an inebriated seaman is a prerequisite for a cracking good night.

Tucked away along a deserted street just beyond Greenwich’s Old Royal Naval College is a boozer which from the outside looks like any other crusty old man pub.

But step inside and you’ll enter a world where first time visitors are embraced and eccentricity is actively encouraged.

“What’s the band?,” I asked the jolly barmaid as she poured me a pint of Stella Artois (£3.30).

“Rubbish,” was her pithy reply.

She explained it was their Friday night open mic event, where anyone can join in and share their gift or curse (delete as appropriate) with the world.

Judging by the performers eagerly waiting to take to the stage, open mic was less Britain’s Got Talent and more Greenwich Has No X Factor.

Not that it mattered, because this cosy watering-hole away from the town centre bustle of binge drinking students and thirsty office workers, oozed a warmth and charm which instantly put you at ease and made you feel at home.

Feeling a part of the family, I ordered a house whiskey and coke (£3.60).

With more spirit than mixer in the glass I began to understand why the staff and punters seemed to glow with conviviality.

The earthy, terracotta coloured walls added to the pub’s mirthful atmosphere and despite a lack of real ales, it had the feel of a traditional country boozer.

The pub is neatly divided into two halves, so for those who want to enjoy a quiet drink without listening to the sounds of a cat being violently strangled, they can.

And with a widescreen television mounted in one corner, football fans know where to head for some World Cup revelry.

After gulping down half my glass of unbranded, miscellaneous whiskey, which coated my throat like a lethal emulsion, I decided bad music was better than bad conversation with the strange pirate-dressed Keith Richards lookalike propping up the bar.

So I returned to watch the latest tone deaf rock daddy butchering a classic Beatles song while wildly gesticulating and strumming an air guitar.

But when the buccaneer Rolling Stone left his drink to join a squat man wearing a green beanie and John Lennon sunglasses, who was belting out I Am The Walrus, I decided it might be time to move on before I started to see Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds.

Sharing my thoughts, the barmaid chortled, “Nutters, raving nutters.”

But you can’t have a little fun if you don’t get a little crazy and while most pubs struggle to have even a modicum of individuality or character, the Star and Garter’s personality outshines the best of its popular competitors.