A look ahead at this week's TV schedules.

YOU can be sure of two things down in the big smoke — the weird and the wonderful. You’ll have to be your own judge of quite which category the Candy Bar and its staff and regulars fall under, though.

A lesbian nightclub in Soho with a reputation for decadence, there’s more than enough going on here to fill a six-part series.

In the first instalment of Candy Bar Girls, tomorrow on Five at 10pm, we meet the club’s new owner — for the first time in history, a man — Gary.

He’s hired top DJ Sandra as a promotions manager, who’s keen to overturn the place’s reputation of being filled with stand-offish staff and clientele. She’s got her eye on one of the regulars, Danni.

The young aspiring model is hired as one of the club’s pole dancers, but her new-found fame at the venue is putting a strain on her relationship with a long-term girlfriend.

No less bitchy is The Apprentice: The Final Five on BBC One, tomorrow at 9pm.

So this year’s group of power-suited chumps has been whittled down to the last five.

And, as in previous series, the idiocy of the candidates never fails to amuse and entertain.

Thankfully, Lord Sugar’s put-downs also continue to be TV gold.

He began the series as he aimed to go on.

“Don’t expect me to be doing all the work because I’m not looking for a sleeping partner,” he said.

“I’m not Saint Alan, the patron saint of bloody losers.” You could have fooled us.

Anyway, this show profiles the remaining runners and riders for the role of Sugar’s business partner (no longer his apprentice, technically), and although we don’t know the names of the quintet at the time of writing, many viewers will be hoping Jim Eastwood has made it through.

Lord Sugar’s right-hand man Nick Hewer has said “trying to nail something on Jim is like trying to nail jelly to a wall.”

Just the kind of person you want to go into business with then.

Want to know why the Brits are called Poms? The truth is, nobody really knows.

It may have something to do with the fact we turn the colour of pomegranates when exposed to too much sun and it may be down to the fact that our gentlemanly cricketers liked a drop of Pommery champagne on their overseas tours.

Whatever the origin, there are plenty of people who consider the term ever so slightly offensive.

Still, the title Poms in Paradise, tonight on ITV1 at 7.30pm, does seem to accurately sum up the show.

This is a fly-on-the-wall documentary which profiles ex-pats living in exotic locations.

The series ends tonight with two chefs cooking up a storm in a British-style balti house, a football coach talks about settling into life in Gold Coast, Queensland, and an accountant ventures into Australia’s party capital, Surfers Paradise.