How Jam Circus rates (out of five): DECOR **** (circus chic) DRINK **** (something for everyone) PRICE *** (booze is on the money but food is overpriced) ATMOSPHERE **** (playfully chilled) STAFF **** (quirky to match mood) FOOD ** (pretty but average)

CALL it fate, call it karma, call it sheer dumb luck, but this week I found my calling and it’s not what you think.

Some believe I was born to slink around south-east London and north Kent, bad-mouthing honest boozers, comparing its punters to Holocaust victims and dressing like a member of the French resistance.

However, my shrink and plastic surgeon know different and what I was really born to do is run away and join the circus.

With a face which could sink a thousand ships and a talent for opening beer bottles with my eyelids, there must be a freak show somewhere with an opening for a prized oddball like me.

However, after Zippos refused my application under pressure from the RSPCA, the logical alternative was to head to the next best thing — the Jam Circus pub.

With its interior decorated with twinkling fairy lights, circus-themed pictures on the wall, flickering candles on the tables and an eclectic jumble of second-hand curios dotted about the place, the pub is like Moulin Rouge meets Acorn Antiques.

Plush leather sofas and armchairs give the place an air of opulence, while a heavy red velvet curtain hung over a partition at the back, concealing a cosy nook with more tables and long cushioned benches, adds to the boozer’s mysterious ambience.

There’s a gleefully playful tone about the place too and a box labelled “toy cupboard” invites punters to release their inner child by indulging in a classic board game over a pint or a glass of wine.

The eccentric but friendly staff complement the quirky decor and if you think you have a creative streak and can pull a decent pint they are currently recruiting.

Happy to be on the other side of the bar, I was immediately drawn to the hilariously named Bear Ass ale (£3 a pint).

Concocted by Cheshire’s Beartown brewery, the red nutty-brown tipple is mellow, scrumptious and lightly prickly.

The aftertaste is pleasant as well — lightly bitter and quenching — but it doesn’t linger.

I followed it with a small glass of Merlot (£3.30) which I happily sipped on while waiting for my meal.

Jam Circus’s ambitious food menu offers a rather unimaginative choice of gastropub fair.

While my cod fishcakes with spinach, poached eggs and hollandaise sauce (£9.50) was presented like a Masterchef entry, it wasn’t exactly bursting with flavour and didn’t quite live up to the hefty price tag.

Desperate for a puff on his cancer stick, my friend ushered me outside to sit by the busy roadside on one of the pub’s wooden picnic tables, shaded by a large red awning.

By this point, a little bit of the circus must have rubbed off on us, so when a unicyclist wobbled past, manouvering through the busy traffic, we didn’t bat an eyelid.

So, roll, roll up! Come see the amazing Brockley boozer which offers all the fun of the fairground at slightly inflated prices.

At least their freak show is free.

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